What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Right?

It's been a tough few weeks. I, we, have suffered a major disappointment. What I had been working so diligently toward in these last 3 1/2 years, provisional membership as an elder here in North Georgia for the UMC, has not been realized. For many reasons I won't go into, I have passed 2 of the 3 parts of the Board and will have to wait another year before I can have another shot at the 3rd part again. To say this has been devestating is an understatement.

One of the most difficult parts has been feeling as though I have let people down. I did not get to where I am, through seminary, two job losses for Marten, major illnesses, hospitalizations, etc. without the prayers and support and encouragement of so many people that believe in me and have affirmed this call to ministry. Of course I wanted to make them proud and I wanted to celebrate with all of them. Most of these saints have told me they are far from disappointed in me and this is just a set back. How amazing is that? How blessed am I?

I am still trying to make some sense, some meaning of all of this. I know my God is faithful, that He called be by name, and that none of that has changed. It has been painful, never more painful than when I completely focus on me. When I look at the big picture, that I will not be deterred from continuing to reach people with the good news of God's amazing love and grace I am beyond ok. My prayer is that this next year will be one where I will continue to be a part of seeing people's lives transformed by God. That is what this is all about. Can I get an amen?!

The trials of these last years have been difficult, but I have seen God glorified in it and He will be in this as well. The trials of these last years have caused us to look more fully at the big picture and not be deterred by these detours or roadblocks. The trials of these last years have shown us how faithful our God is. The trials of these last years have not killed us but made us stronger and better equipped to be grace givers even in the midst of trials. We are not stronger in our own power, but by the Spirit of God in us. God is, has been, and always will be with us.

I have jokingly said to a few these past 2 weeks that I am so tired of growing. I need rest. I am unrecognizable from the woman I was 5 years ago. I have been bent until I might break and stretched until I might snap, but ultimately I will continue to grow. I will grow stronger in the grace in mercy God has shown me that I might show it to others. Our God works on our behalf to bring good out of our circumstances, those of us who love him, and good will come of this. I pray I will recognize it when I see it!
More later. Please continue to pray that the hurt will heal as we seek to live into God's purposes for us.

Some tools for the prayer tool belt!

Just a quick post this time. I made some very intentional, measured resolutions for the year this year and I am glad to say I have done pretty well for the most part. One of my resolutions was to pray more and be more intentional about prayer, thus my "Facetime" posts, but how does one do that? I do journal and keep a prayer journal. There are too many times someone has asked me to pray about something, and I said I would, and then I forgot. Well that stopped years ago when i starting keeping the journal because it gave me a place to write things down and to see what God was doing, the answered prayers, and the unfolding story.

My brother Keith has brought to my attention an awesome tool he uses for prayer called echo prayer, you can check it out here

Another discipline I have been moving toward since my trip to Jordan almost three years ago are regular fixed hours of prayer. The Muslim practice of praying five times a day and the regular stopping in worship and awareness of God touched me deeply. In the Christian tradition this is sometimes called the Divine Hours. I have attempted to do this haphazardly off and on with little discipline. I am excited about the potential for intentional and regular prayer with this tool and thought you might want to check it out for yourself.

Let me know how it works for you.

Vision, Running, and the Church

So, I have started training to run a 5K. I know big deal huh? Well I am not a runner. I never have been. This is hard for me! So, I am building my endurance lttle by little by alternating walking and running. I was doing this the other day when I noticed something, the more I focused on trees, street signs, cars in the distance, the farther I was able to go without feeling nearly as out of breath.

I danced growing up, ballet, tap, jazz, modern. I was even in a dance company. I remember whenever we would turn or pirouette we would find a spot on the wall, in the distance, and that is what we fixed our eyes on, so that even in our spinning, we kept our momentum, we were able to remain steady, upright, and in motion.

In pondering these things I began to think of the church I serve. It is 116 years old and it has seen many changes and transitions over the years. For so many years it struggled to survive to the point that survival became the point of focus. The church has begun new growth in the last few years. New vision has been important to the direction and momentum that has begun to build and new vision, new focus will propel the church further forward even still. The key then is to constantly be looking up to what God is doing, to what God is calling us to next. Churches are not meant to exist forever, the Kingdom of God is. That is the vision that must propel the Church forward beyond any other vision, plan, or survival skills for that matter.

Facetime #4

That's me, no makeup. I went out to run an errand like that tonight, no makeup, bare, nothing hidden, not even the outbreak of acne I had this week. I know, nice huh? Well, that is how we all approach God really. I mean we might kid ourselves that we are hiding something but are we? God knows every hair on my head and yours, and yet so many of us fear coming to Him with our deepest, darkest places, the scars, and imperfections in our lives. Coming to God in prayer with these scars and imperfections is what God wants. Yes He knows they are there, but our coming to Him in prayer is an act of worship, of who He is, perfect and holy, and who we are, broken and in need of saving grace. This is what I know; we can try to keep these places hidden or undercover but ultimately it is only shining some light in those dark places that is ever going to bring real healing, covering those wounds and scars only causes them to fester and grow deeper. Getting real with yourself enough to own your junk and get real with God in confessing it is what it takes so some light might shine in the dark and new life might begin. Then growing in an honest, open, real, relationship with the creator of the universe and the lover of your soul,naked an unashamed. I'm convinced of this, if we can be really real with God when we go to Him in prayer, we can be a lot more real with the people in our lives as well.


"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account".
Hebrews 14:13

Facetime #3

"The blessing" or "giving thanks", even to those who don't pray much at all, is one form of prayer widely practiced. At home it is usually our girls that pray and give thanks. There have been times when they try to out do one another and other times when they clam up asking my husband or myself to pray. My girls usually include many details of the day in their thanks in addition to thanksgiving for the food and "the hands that preapred it". I'm not sure when those words began to be added, but the make a regular appearance.

I guess like with any other time we pray or approach God on a regular basis, in the same time and place, we can lose the sense of awe at that moment and make it a sing songy, meaningless exercise. I know when I recognize this in myself I try to stop and get perspective at just what I am doing and how God wants to hear the depths of our heart, the peaks, the valleys, the eternal gratitude for His provision.

The church I serve is frequently visited by homeless and hungry people, mostly men. In the last months we have been giving out food regularly. This has grown to include one member who has felt called to pull out the grill every Sunday and feed the passersby on the busy road in front of our church. Those who offer money don't understand why we won't take it. That is not what it is about. It is about offering a gift of grace in the form of food, and grace is a free, unmerited gift! Those who can't offer anything but a smile and some conversation are incredibly grateful. They know what it is like to be hungry and therefore appreciate and give thanks for the food.

How many of us can honestly say we have ever really been hungry? I mean the kind of hungry when you don't know when or if you are going to eat again. I mean the kind of hungry when you can't choose, there are no choices, you will take whatever you can get.
So many of us are blessed and we don't even realize it. We know we will eat or can choose to eat or not eat 3+ meals a day. Not only that but we can choose what we eat. We can afford to throw tons of food away without blinking.

I had a conversation Sunday with some folks about our near inability to fully comprehend the depths of human suffering unless we have suffered in some way shape or form in our lives. Perhaps this is the gift of suffering for ourselves, that we are moved to act when next we see another suffering.

Give thanks for God's blessings, whether they are edible ones or the family kind that are sitting around the table.

Mirrors

This week was unusual. We had heavy snow last Sunday night and freezing temperatures all week. As of now, Saturday night, a full 6 days later, there is still snow on the ground. The roads were so icy, school was out for the week, and we were unable to leave the house for 4 days. I had to be still. This is unusual for me.

I had more time than usual to reflect, to list, to pray, to ponder, to SLEEP! I made some plans, set some goals, fleshed out some resolutions. BAM, another up close and personal look at my flaws, scars, and all those things I need to work on.

Watching my own two girls, 7 and 12, I become more and more keenly aware of the mirrors they are of me, my own issues and inadequacies, my own quirkiness, humor, likes and dislikes. Of course I know this, but it was so much more evident in close quarters this week.

I have found the Scriptures to be much the same. Like a mirror, I read them and the more time I spend in the I see how my life has distorted God's intentions. I see how far I have fallen short. I also see the goodness God sees, my own uniqueness and God's redeeming love in it all.

One of my girls is nearly my clone in looks, but they both, I think, have the best parts of me in them. I believe Our Father in heaven sees His children and knows the same. He created us and proclaimed it good, and yet our brokenness has distorted the image we were meant to reflect.

I figure my children will have enough brokenness of their own living in the world we do. I pray my own brokenness will be eclipsed by God's grace and love. That God's grace and love will be the legacy I leave above all else.

"Face Time" #2

This is where I have done the most fervent praying in my life. It is where you will find me most every morning of the week in the quiet hours before anyone is up, even the sun. I could have taken a picture of myself here but the point is that God is present. Though unseen and sometimes not felt, God is present right there on the couch with me.

This is the space where I first heard God call me to full time ministry. This is the place where I have read more of the Bible, more times than I can count. This is the place where I have poured out my heart to God on behalf of His Church, my family, my own brokenness. This is hallowed ground. This is where prayer and "face time" with God really began to form me in ways that I continue to realize.

Many years ago I read two books on prayer that significantly impacted me, "Let Prayer Change Your Life" by Becky Tirabassi and "What Happens When Women Pray" by Evelyn Christenson. These two books called me to a deeper life of prayer and communion with God. They called me to making prayer a priority. They brought me to revelation that I made time for many things in my life but that God got the leftovers if anything at all. God and prayer were the first negotiable things on my daily schedule, kind of like exercise....busy? well, just clear away that quiet time for prayer and study and meditating, and voila...all kinds of time. God and the spiritual life was something I talked about but did not LIVE in.

Another wonderful book on prayer is Richard Foster's "Prayer" and I have heard, though have not read, "Too Busy Not to Pray" by Bill Hybels is good as well.
One of the biggest tools in my prayer life is my journal. I am just as flaky as the next person. When I try to sit still and be quiet my mind inevitably wanders down many a rabbit trail. A have kept many journals of prayer, reflection on scripture, ideas and visions. Writing things down helps me to focus and cover all of the bases. Journals have helped me to record not only the names and requests of those I am praying for, it has enabled me to see God working, often times far ahead of where I am.

In prayer and communion with God in these quiet times and places I find rest and peace.

This was not an easy discipline to establish with two small children when I began years ago. I got interrupted, repeatedly, I got intruded upon with early risers, still sometimes I have to shoo them away, telling them I was talking to God and that we had an appointment that I wanted to keep.

While prayer can take place any time and any where, I pray you will create a special time in your day and a special place to commune with your God.