She's gonna die?

What a revelation...well we are all going to die right? We just don't think about it every day. Should we? If we did would we live differently? This was something we discussed in an ethics class I took on death and dying. In order to die well do we all need to be living well? I think so. Yes, we will all die a bodily death, but will we die well?

This was a topic of conversation this week in my house. Our nine year old dog has been sick and we found out she has kidney disease. Our time with her is more limited than we previously had thought. Honestly this is the absolute sweetest, most obedient dog I have ever encountered. It has broken my heart to see her in pain and suffering. I have become an amateur veterinarian trying to help her feel better. She has been refusing to eat or drink for a week now and ate little to nothing the week before. I have been giving her a liter of fluids a day through an i.v. that I have to put in every morning. Talk about doing something you never thought you would or could do. But man I love this dog! We sit by the front door and watch the birds and squirrels while I pet and stroke her and tell her how sweet and good she is. It takes time for a whole liter of fluids to empty, but it is quality time. Time I am forced to slow down...time I wished I had taken before now.

How much do we take for granted daily because we think we have tomorrow or that we will get around to it. When pressed, when whatever it is we take for granted is threatened to be taken away we hold on for dear life! Suddenly our priorities are realigned.

When I told my 11 and 7 year old about our dog there were a lot of tears. My 11 year old asked repeatedly, "she's gonna die? she's gonna die?" It seemed almost ridiculous to me listening to her. My reply was, "of course she is honey, we are all going to die, she is just going to die sooner than we thought in a way we did not expect." But of course that was the reaction. Somehow death takes us by surprise. I wonder why?

Could it be because God created us to live forever? Perhaps this piece of who He created us to be is so much a part of who we are that despite the Fall and all of the goodness of God and His original intent that has gone astray, this bent toward eternity remains? What else does?

As Christians could we talk about death more? The spiritual death and resurrection in our baptisms? The echoes of the here, but not yet, of the kingdom of God. Eternal life that begins the day we unite our lives with God in Christ, not in another time and place.

Christ's death, conquered death, for all time, when he rose again, restoring and redeeming God's intent for humanity.

Suffering of any kind is difficult to witness. Even after my chaplaincy expereince in a children's hospital I cannot fathom how a parent can even breathe when their child is severely injured or chronically ill. What I do know is that in loving and supporting these families it was easier. In sharing with others what God has graciously and generously given to me, it was easier. The human emotion of compassion is not possible unless it is a reponse to suffering. What do we do with that?
Don't take a day for granted. Live like you are dying...you are, well at least your body is, and life as you know it is temporary, how temporary no one knows except God Himself.

Live well, that you might die well.

Making disciples

I have been meeting with the same group of men for the last 33 weeks. Men? you say. Well it didn't start out that way but that is how it ended up! We have been working our way through the Bible and God has done some amazing things in us. We have prayed together, confessed our sins and shortcomings, sung praises, written hymns of praise, encouraged one another, discovered our God given gifts together, written our own statement of faith, acted out the scriptures, and so much more. I have been blessed and humbled to be called "teacher" by these men and can't wait to see what God does next in their lives.

It has not been easy to lead this class, being a full time student, mother of two, and working two part time jobs, but it has been incredibly rewarding to pour out all that God is pouring into me. That is what He calls each of us to do...love one another...obedience has been a big part of this. I never would have chosen the path I am on now, but I have chosen to be obedient to God's call. Honestly it is a choice that has been sometimes difficult to persevere in, while at the same time I don't know how I could ever not. I am not sure if that makes sense to everyone.

We all prayed over on another tonight. They prayed over me last, these men, and I wept at what they had to say. Amazing! Every second worth it if I can point lives to Christ so that they might in turn go and do the same.

Go make disciples!

Absent but Present

Where have you been? you might say. Well I have been and will continue to be a bit busy for the next few weeks. Well, busier than usual. A few weeks ago I went before the District Committee on Ordination for my recertification interview for my candidacy for elder in the United Methodist Church. That all went fine but I was asked to have all of my paperwork for the Board of Ordained Ministry for the Conference in to them in six weeks. This was a shock. I will not be eligible to go before the BOM until this time next Spring. The BOM is expecting my paperwork in January, so I thought I had all summer to work on it when my course load is lighter, etc. Well, the District Board told us they wanted to look at it by April 19.

What they are asking for is this: Answers to 11 theology and doctrine questions, a 4-6 week bible study curriculum, a sermon for Advent, and answers to 8-9 (need to check) questions on leading a called and disciplined life. No small feat! My work will determine whether they give me the go ahead to appear before the Conference Board. Soooo, in the midst of taking 4 classes (one of which is Biblical Hebrew, HELLO!) and working two part time jobs, being mom to 2 kids and wife to Marten, I have my hands more than full. Seriously I don't have a life right now.

I am posting the theology and doctrine questions today. I will post the called and disciplined ones in the next week sometime. Why don't you all give me all the answers and we will call it good? ;)Prayers would be appreciated, for the Holy Spirit to guide my work and provide the words, for the energy to get this done, and for peace and assurance, that what I produce will be good enough.

a) Describe your personal experience of God and the understanding of God you derive from biblical, theological, and historical sources.

b) What is your understanding of evil as it exists in the world?
c) What is your understanding of humanity, and the human need for divine grace?
d) How do you interpret the statement Jesus Christ is Lord?
e) What is your conception of the activity of the Holy Spirit in personal faith, in the community of believers, and in responsible living in the world?

f) What is your understanding of the kingdom of God; the Resurrection; eternal life?
g) How do you intend to affirm, teach, and apply Part II of the Discipline (Doctrinal Standards and Our Theological Task) in your work in the ministry to which you have been called?

h) The United Methodist Church holds that the living core of the Christian faith was revealed in Scripture, illumined by tradition, vivified in personal experience, and confirmed by reason. What is your understanding of this theological position of the Church?
i) Describe the nature and mission of the Church. What are its primary tasks today?
j) Discuss your understanding of the primary characteristics of United Methodist polity.


k) How do you perceive yourself, your gifts, your motives, your role, and your commitment as a probationary member and commissioned minister in the United Methodist Church?

l) Describe your understanding of diakonia, the servant ministry of the church, and the servant ministry of the probationary member and commissioned minister.

m) What is the meaning of ordination in the context of the general ministry of the church?
o) You have agreed as a candidate for the sake of the mission of Jesus Christ in the world and the most effective witness of the gospel, and in consideration of their influence as ministers, to make a complete dedication of yourself to the highest ideals of the Christian life, and to this end agree to exercise responsible self-control by personal habits conducive to bodily health, mental and emotional maturity, integrity in all personal relationships, fidelity in marriage and celibacy in singleness, social responsibility and growth in grace and the knowledge and love of God. What is your understanding of this agreement?

p) Explain the significance of the sacraments in the ministry to which you have been called.

igod, the compilation

I remember listening to albums, yup those big vinyl things, when I was a kid. I would find one with a song that I loved and I would play that song over and over again, I would play a short part and write down the words, then play another part and write down the words, until I had the whole thing written down and I could sing every word. Thinking back I was never the kind to buy an album and just listen to that one song, no, I would make, yup make, myself listen to the others, the ones I had never heard before, the ones they weren't playing on the radio, and I would listen and learn those too. I was invested in that album!

Thing is today, with ipods and the like, we can download just the songs we like without ever buying an entire album. What are we missing out on? I am sure the artist would like for us to listen to those songs too. To download those too. I wonder about myself. I have stopped buying the whole album. How have I been affected by this cultural shift?

I say all of this because like the ipod/itunes phenomena, people are tending more and more to pick what they want of God and His word and leave the rest. And isn't that just part and parcel to our society? I will pick what I like and what I don't, I have no use for. We only want what will make us feel good about ourselves, not what will challenge or shape or mold us.

Now at the second Sunday in Lent this seems poignant. As a Christian we cannot get away from the cross of Christ. What I mean to say is, many do not want to consider the cross, or what put Christ there, or that we are called to take up that same cross if we are to follow him and that cross was the instrument of suffering and pain. God did not spare His own son that suffering, why should we be any different? Yes, Jesus paid the price, he took the penalty for us but he also calls us to follow him and that following requires death in a sense, death to ourselves and our own wants and desires, death that will lead to new life in him, reconciliation with the Father, and a new heart with new desires far bigger than ourselves and our microscopic views of the world and our place in it.

The season of Lent is meant to be a time of reflection and preparation, of clearing away all that keeps us from approaching the throne of grace freely and unhindered. It is meant to be a time spent in prayer and in fasting, preparing to go to the cross with Christ so that we might get to Easter and resurrection on the other side. You see without the cross there is no resurrection. Without the B side there is no album, just some random songs that leave us where they found us instead of pulling us outside of our comfort zone, outside of what feels good, sounds good, and instead changes us, challenges us, and grows us into the people God created us to be.

Those popular favorites just wouldn't be the same without the B side. It was all part of the artist's work. It all hung together. One informs the other and one brings greater meaning to the other. I know this is true of the entirety of scripture and of God. Take all of Him. Write down the words. Memorize them. Learn the tune. Sing it loud!

Begin again...

Tomorrow starts a new semester, my last spring semester at Asbury. Next year at this time I will be done. I truly have loved seminary. I have always loved being a student anyway, but seminary has been incredible. To have the opportunity to learn what I have from some pretty incredible people doing awesome kingdom work as well as to learn from some on fire brothers and sisters, that have been my classmates has been an honor.
It has been incredibly challenging to be a full time graduate student along with working and being mom to two young girls. It has taught me so much, not only in book knowledge, but mostly in who I am and who I am not, who God created me to be. I have learned about my gifts and I have learned about my weak places. I have learned so much about who I am because I have learned more about who God is and frankly as my Creator he knows me better than anyone else. This "knowing" has less to do with books and more to do with absolute reliance on him to carry me through this process. Honestly, I never imagined, at any point in my life, doing what I do now and will do to a greater degree as time goes by. I have tried to resist,made lots of excuses, because, really none of this is easy, but at the same time the rewards are immeasurable and eternal,so how could it not be awesomely wonderful?

I have always been so excited to start a new semester, hungry to know more as soon as possible. This is the first time I don't feel that. I don't know if I am just worn out or if it is the thought of finishing that causes me to hesitate. If you are reading this, say a prayer for endurance to finish the race that has been set before me. Thank you!

Haiti, Conan, and Me-itis

Still face down in bed and half awake Saturday morning, my eyes opened. First thought in my head, no lie, was this; what if I was waking up in Haiti this morning on the hard ground? outside? What would I tell my children, our home gone, death all around us, hunger, illness, anger, loss? What if I didn't know where the next meal was coming from or if my injuries would heal?
The fact is you don't have to suffer a natural disaster to have these very same questions in plenty of places in the world. How do these people know that God is good? That God is love? Then you have nut cases like Pat Robertson saying Haiti got what it deserved....excuse me?

We are so far removed. Our hearts are so hard! We are so incredibly narcissistic.
This discussion launched last week when I posted a "status update" on Facebook that suggested that Conan should take the $45 million and give it to Haiti because someone else will be offering him a ridiculous salary next week.

Comments were that Conan should buy himself an "icecream" first, and empathy over the fact that he lost his "dream job" and wasn't he only scripturally bound to give his 10%?

My reply was that Conan could buy himself and everyone else in his life an icecream and never miss the $45 million. I was certain that Jesus would have forgone the "icecream" to feed some hungry, sick, homeless, grief stricken people.

This is the thing. We are so me oriented in the West particularly that we think someone else will do it, and I deserve this, I earned it, worked for it, it is my dream, me, me, me, my, my, my, I, I, I

From where I sit, God created us each with unique gifts to use for His purposes, not for my own. If we worked for it, it was because He gave us the strength and ability to do so. Do we play no part? That's not what I am saying. What I am saying is we take far to much credit.
Some are given little and they have many fewer choices in life. In some ways life is simpler. But to him whom much is given much is expected! I am not saying Conan is bad if he doesn't give all his money to help Haiti or anyone else for that matter, but that we all only NEED so much. The rest is what we WANT. How much should we indulge our WANTS and at whose expense?

There will always be people that take advantage of handouts and handups but at the end of the day it is about the condition of the heart of the giver, not so much what is done with the gift.

One of the bestselling books in Christianity today is Victoria Osteen's "Love Your Life" and her husband's "Your Best Life" continues to be on the bestseller list. That says a whole stinkin' lot about the state of Christianity in this country. Last time I checked Jesus said in all 4 of the gospels that those who love their lives and try to save their lives will lose them, but if they lose them for him only then will they be truly found.

God is good, God is love, and He looks to His children to show the world that this is so!

I'm sure there is more I should say, but it probably wouldn't be very nice :)
Your comments and questions however are always welcome!

The Lord's Supper Rant

I am on campus at Asbury Theological Seminary this week for a class on the sacraments called "Sacramental Theology". The sacraments recognized in the Methodist Church are those of the Lord's Supper and Baptism. A sacrament is defined as an outward sign of an inward grace. An interesting tidbit for your information the Catholic Church actually recognizes 7 sacraments. For the purposes of this post, however, I will focus specifically on the Lord's Supper.

I have the privilege of teaching a new member class once a month at my home church and ensconced in our discussion are the understanding and participation in the sacraments. I love these discussions, but they are only the tip of the iceberg for understanding just what these are and what they mean. The unfortunate thing is this understanding is so lacking in the Church at large in something so rich with meaning and grace! This sign and means of grace must be taught and understood in new ways in the church today, rather than being seen as a mere ritual or tradition lacking truly significant meaning.

In the last two weeks, ironically or not, I have had some unfortunate experiences with the sacrament of the Lord's Supper and they left me feeling hurt for Jesus frankly.
I attended a church I don't normally attend because people are "flocking" there. I had to see what all of the fuss was about. The worship set was good, the messsage was ok, and the Lord's Supper was served BUT there was no explanation of what we were doing, except to say Christ said to do this in remembrance of me. That was it and there is sooooo much more! Also disturbing was the lack of direction as to when to take the bread and wine/juice. Literally everyone was looking around at each other thinking, when do we do this? I honestly was so disturbed I wanted to cry. This is not the way it is supposed to be!

When we take the bread and juice we are taking into ourselves the body and blood of Christ, the body that was broken for us, the blood that was shed for us, the one loaf that we all share as a symbol of the body of Christ and the body of Christ his people gathered together. When we take these things into ourselves we do so in Thanksgiving for who Christ is and what God has done through him, then we do so in Repentance knowing that we are all sinners in need of a savior, confessing our insufficiency, and as we do so we join in Christ's suffering because without the suffering, without the cross, without his death and without our own, we cannot experience the resurrection. Again, this is just the tip of the iceberg here.

The other unfortunate thing was a discussion on how it was difficult to "work" communion into a service because it needed to flow well and it might not fit with the message. Wow! and Ouch! From where I am sitting, taking part in the Lord's Supper is an act of worship, of thanksgiving, of the body of Christ together taking part in the body of Christ. It is God's action and our response. It is the centerpiece of the Christian faith. Why is it difficult to "work" it in?

I would love to hear your comments!