It's been a tough few weeks. I, we, have suffered a major disappointment. What I had been working so diligently toward in these last 3 1/2 years, provisional membership as an elder here in North Georgia for the UMC, has not been realized. For many reasons I won't go into, I have passed 2 of the 3 parts of the Board and will have to wait another year before I can have another shot at the 3rd part again. To say this has been devestating is an understatement.
One of the most difficult parts has been feeling as though I have let people down. I did not get to where I am, through seminary, two job losses for Marten, major illnesses, hospitalizations, etc. without the prayers and support and encouragement of so many people that believe in me and have affirmed this call to ministry. Of course I wanted to make them proud and I wanted to celebrate with all of them. Most of these saints have told me they are far from disappointed in me and this is just a set back. How amazing is that? How blessed am I?
I am still trying to make some sense, some meaning of all of this. I know my God is faithful, that He called be by name, and that none of that has changed. It has been painful, never more painful than when I completely focus on me. When I look at the big picture, that I will not be deterred from continuing to reach people with the good news of God's amazing love and grace I am beyond ok. My prayer is that this next year will be one where I will continue to be a part of seeing people's lives transformed by God. That is what this is all about. Can I get an amen?!
The trials of these last years have been difficult, but I have seen God glorified in it and He will be in this as well. The trials of these last years have caused us to look more fully at the big picture and not be deterred by these detours or roadblocks. The trials of these last years have shown us how faithful our God is. The trials of these last years have not killed us but made us stronger and better equipped to be grace givers even in the midst of trials. We are not stronger in our own power, but by the Spirit of God in us. God is, has been, and always will be with us.
I have jokingly said to a few these past 2 weeks that I am so tired of growing. I need rest. I am unrecognizable from the woman I was 5 years ago. I have been bent until I might break and stretched until I might snap, but ultimately I will continue to grow. I will grow stronger in the grace in mercy God has shown me that I might show it to others. Our God works on our behalf to bring good out of our circumstances, those of us who love him, and good will come of this. I pray I will recognize it when I see it!
More later. Please continue to pray that the hurt will heal as we seek to live into God's purposes for us.
