New Year Goal Setting/Gaining Perspective

Well it is about that time. Have you started a list of goals for 2010? I think many of us need to stop to consider, to really get perspective, on the place in which we find ourselves first, before we start trying to head in a particular direction. We need to consider the distance, don't we? And how we might need to be prepared for the journey? Maybe how equipped we are where we stand and what "equipment" we might need to get there.

Many of us set some high and lofty goals without first pondering these things. Sometimes we are so deep down in it that we can't truly see "it" for what "it" is. (Trying not to get myself in trouble here).

Tony Morgan, a big deal in church leadership bloggged about how his own goal setting has changed in recent years in response to just how quickly our world is changing around us, frankly just how quickly everything is moving around us. He had this to say about goal setting and perspective,

"Do current trends suggest we’re moving in the right direction? If they aren’t, are you being honest about it or explaining away the numbers?
Do we have the right people in the right roles to help us move forward? I’d rather have the right people with the wrong strategy than the wrong people with the right strategy.
Are we focusing our time and resources on the right priorities? Honestly, I think most organizations can only handle one new project or initiative at any given time. Healthy organizations get everyone on the team pulling in the same direction to see that initiative through to success."

Frankly this made me think a lot about the Church. Far more doors are closing than are opening. How are we responding? What I am seeing from my little speck on the earth is a lot of right strategy and wrong people and vice versa. I am perplexed by the competitive nature within the church and the power struggle I see being played out. Don't get me wrong I do see people with real Kingdom vision, but I see others that would fight to stay in a place where they are not the best suited, to make a point. Where is the Kingdom in that? Isn't it about making disciples and growing the Kingdom? If someone else can do it better than you, then by all means let them do it! Equip them, support them, and set them free. It is not about me or you or my ministry or your ministry or my preaching or your preaching, it is about God and His Kingdom. The Scriptures tell us that as the body of Christ we are all uniquely gifted. When we use those gifts to His glory, when we give of them freely, we enable others to do the same. Do you have perspective on your gifts? How about the gifts of those around you? How are you giving of yourself in order to better empower others?

In the economy of the Kingdom, giving is giving. It is good. Me giving to you takes nothing away from me, but only adds to the fullness of the Kingdom. It is the picture of the Trinity. The world's economy of give and take is so much different. Why do we see this in the Church? Why the competition?

I hope this makes sense to someone. I feel like I am rambling. What can we do to change this? What kind of goals should we be setting for our churches? For the Church? How do we get there from here? And where exactly is here?

God with us...

It is after 1 a.m. on Christmas morning and I am sitting in awe of a God that loved us, loved me enough to come, to empty himself of all the glory in heaven, to come in such an unexpected way.

This time of year seems to bring with it many expectations, what will we give? What will we receive? Whom can we help and serve? What will we eat? Will it be like Mom always made? The traditions are wonderful, warm, and comforting, but I wonder if in the midst of it all, in the telling of the Christmas story once again, if our hearts have dulled to its message. God is with us! Christ came! There are so many reasons to celebrate the greatest gift ever given. A man born to die for us, that is how much God loves! I pray for a new way of hearing this good news and sharing it with others.

One of my favorite quotes from one of the early church fathers is, "The glory of God is man fully alive." This was said by Ireneaus, and to this day every time I hear it and ponder it, my heart is stirred, turning inside my chest in an unexplainable way. So many of us go from day to day, near sleep walking, not fully awake and alive to all God created us to be and do. I pray that as you wake on Christmas day that you will be fully awake and alive to all that God has in store, all that God wants for your life and through your life. His Kingdom was brought near when Jesus came to live among us. Let us live lives worthy of His love and sacrifice so that His Kingdom might grow in each of us and through each of us, but for now, sleep in heavenly peace.

Disturbed, Troubled, or both!

I don't know what to think. Ok well as I have told some close to me, because I have always been a person of limited means, I think I have it easier in some ways than others because I have fewer choices to make due to these limited means. Those with more have it harder. They have many more decisions and choices as to what to do with their "means".

However I have been disturbed and or troubled in the last week by two stories from two people of very different means and it seems to stem from the illness of overconsumption and sense of entitlement that is running rampant in this country. One confessed to buying way too much for their children and just not being able to stop...even "mindlessly" throwing things into the shopping cart while walking through Target. I am thinking woah! why? What are you really trying to fill up or buy? Do you know how many people won't eat this Christmas? I have some things you can do with that money! Can your kids tell you what they got for Christmas last year? It is so hard to watch. We are not doing our kids any favors with this madness. What are we setting them up for? What are we teaching them about the meaning of Christmas? God sent His Son, gave himself away, and we should do the same.

The other has bill collectors calling. Their child asked for an ipod for Christmas. They ordered one online but discovered it was the "small" one (the shuffle) so returned it because their child wanted the "big" one. Oh ya and they waited 6 hours in line the day after Thanksgiving to get another child a gaming system, but the bill collectors are calling.

What is wrong with us? What are we teaching our kids? What are we trying to fill with this overconsumption? When is enough, enough? I tried to shed some light in one case, and in the other was honestly stupified into silence. Praying for revelation!

That's my story...

Wow! Has it really been almost a month since I blogged last? I can't believe it. After six classes and 4 trips to Kentucky since September this has been one crazy semester. In fact I am wondering when I haven't had a crazy semester. One year ago I was finishing up my first semester of Greek, along with other classes, heading into another semester of Greek and starting my chaplaincy internship at Scottish Rite Children's Hospital. What a year!

I have learned so much about who I am, who God created me to be, what He has called me to, and sooooo much more. God is so faithful, regardless of what things look like sometimes on the surface. I know this, have lived this, and can testify to this. God's word testifies to this, His written word and the Word made flesh. God is faithful!

The next year will hold many more opportunities for growth, for change, for learning and loving, for living an extraordinary life for God.

I must admit this process has forced me...because I am human, and because there are only so many hours in the day, and because I do have a husband and two young daughters...to not be as involved in many of my friends lives as I would like to and that has been hard! I pray that none of them have taken it personally or to mean anything in particular. I do love ya'll.

I of course wonder how things will play out when I am "officially" a pastor with the demands on my time and the needs of so many. I am trying to navigate these waters now so that when that time comes I will be better prepared. I don't know, just trying to figure it out, knowing that now not only am I a full time grad student, but a part-time personal chef, part-time intern in a church, full-time mom and full-time wife. At least when I graduate, I will get to take off two of these hats!

Well, one more final, one more paper, one more assignment and I am done this semester. May it be so...and soon!

On to Perfection

I just came back from two Bioethics courses at Asbury. One was Sickness and Disability and the other was Death and Dying. We covered some pretty heady topics as far as the meaning of life, the value of life, what constitutes life, who decides and on what basis when to "pull the plug", etc. We also talked about how within each of our cultures we value some things above others and this in turn informs what we might label as sick or disabled or even life. One thing we had to read amongst a whole lot of reading, was a short story by Nathaniel Hawthorne called "The Birthmark". It is the story of a scientist married to what Hawthorne describes as an incredibly beautiful woman whom he loves dearly. However on her face she has a birthmark, that although he still sees as a part of who his wife is he longs to remove so that her perfect face might be completely flawless. I won't tell you the end of the story. You can actually find it on line if you look. Anyway I tell you all this to say that it got me to thinking about the human condition in conjunction with the perfecting and sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit.

A leap? Maybe. What strikes me is this...our culture seems to be awfully caught up in perfection. Perfect hair, skin, body, so much so that we will pay thousands of dollars on surgeries to "enhance" or "perfect" what we perceive as flaws. What I started wondering was, where does this desire for perfection come from? Why do we try so hard to acheive it? What I know is that God created us with many desires and drives that He intends for specific purposes and because of the fall and the sin in this world many of our God given drives and desires have been misdirected. I believe that God created us with a desire for spiritual perfection that can only be found in relationship with Him and as a coworker with the Holy Spirit. Instead we have taken this God given desire for spiritual perfection and misdirected it to physical or temporal perfection. Once we make Jesus Christ the leader of our lives the gift of his Spirit in us becomes the perfector of our souls.
I am not against taking care of the bodies God gave us, don't get me wrong. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit and wherever we walk is hallowed ground!

Matthew 5:48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Jesus says this and what the original Greek points to as far as this perfection is one of completion and we can only be made complete when we are joined once again in relationship with our Creator through the saving blood of Christ.

On to perfection...

God's Economy

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. So many people are out of work. So many people are hurting and trying to figure out what to do next. A lot of people suddenly have a lot of time on their hands so why don't we see more people out serving? Serving in our soup kitchens and churches?
This is what I know. God is the GREAT economist. Whenever and whatever we give in His name He multiplies and we get so much more in return. I keep waiting for people to wake up and look around and realize that there is something they can do, there are people that need help, that we all truly do need one another. God created us for relationship, with Him and with others. When we hunker down and hide and never cease from licking our wounds we all lose, none of us benefits, I don't even know what is going on in your life so that I can pray with you, comfort you, offer you a helping hand. So many of us are just waiting, hoping, for things to change, for things to get better.
I was thinking about this today and it brought to mind some in the early church. They were so ready for his second coming that they quit working or doing much of anything and were just waiting. Check out 2Thessalonians 3:6-7. This is a warning againsst idleness and a call to live lives after the example of Christ.
What do you think?

Have you had that baby yet?

The longest gestation in history. That is what this journey feels like. Just for the record, a Masters of Divinity is a 3-4 year program depending on how many hours you take a semester. At Asbury we are required to take 96 credit hours. I hear we have the highest requirement out there. Most Masters Degrees are what? 60 hours or something like that? Anyway I am in year three and since last year people have asked me, "Are you done yet?" "When are you going to finish?" It has soooo reminded me of being pregnant with my two girls. Inevitably I would be about 7+ months and starting to look very fat and uncomfortable and someone would ask me, "When are you due?" "Haven't you had that baby yet?" AAAHHHH! This kind of feels like that. I really want to have the baby. Believe me you will know when I have the baby! But the baby is not yet done!



Just like any expectant mother I get worn out and just want this baby out of me already :) especially about mid semester. I get nutty! Guess what it is midsemester and I see all of the papers and exams and deadlines looming and the contractions are terrible! They don't give epidurals for this stuff, not that I had them with either birth. Hey!!!! Maybe that was preparation for these birth pains! I know it will all be worth it when I see that beautiful baby next December, a labor of love in obedience to my God who called me by name!

Start looking for your birth announcements this summer!

A Change of Perspective

As I said in my last post we started a new sermon series Sunday and I had the privilige of preaching. If you are interested in hearing the sermon I preached you can hear it by following this link and clicking on "Show details" under the "Enough" artwork. The title of my sermon is "A Change of Perspective"

Please feel free to comment here on what God might be saying to you in this message.
I received some positive feedback and am curious as to how it speaks to you.

Peace!

http://www.snellvilleumc.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=45125

Enough already!

We are starting a new sermon series this Sunday based on a book written by a United Methodist pastor called "Enough". Long story short it is about the economic crisis we find ourselves in, how we got here, what the Bible has to say about it, and how we are called to live differently.

In pondering these things I have thought about just how our convenience programmed, consumption oriented minds, have gotten us where we are. The industrial revolution ushered in a new age and certainly had some positive effects, but the more I look at technology and convenience the more I question our connection to anything of value.

Consider just a few points:
Because food is so easy to get, readily available, heat it up from its prepackaged container are we overconsuming? Is this part of the reason we are the fattest country in the world? Think about it. If we grow our own food, clean or kill our own food, prepare our own food, don't we relish it all the more? Do we eat as much? waste as much?

If we make our own clothes are we so quick to throw them out if there is a stubborn stain? When it is not easy or convenient to buy another shirt to we just make it work? Now we toss it right away, go out and buy another, and another, and another. If we make it with our hands doesn't it hold more value?

The average person has so much stuff they don't even know what they have.

We are majorly connected but don't really communicate.

I don't know. These are just some things that I have been thinking about that I believe are part of the more basic reasons we are where we are, before the nose dive of the stock market or subprime mortgages, before the freeze of credit and sky rocketing unemployment.

I pray that we will all take the time to really learn something from this and live differently as a result.

Reframing Your Ministry

That is the title of a book I am reading for one of my classes this semester. I have to say the things this book has to say is resonating big time with me. I have seen a glimpse of the future and how things could go horribly wrong if I am not very intentional about some things. Ok, well I already knew that about some things like knowing my weak places, boundary issues, and where I get my energy, but this has emphasized some things I am only coming to realize. What I know is this; now is the time to not only know what those weak places are and where boundaries need to be set up, but the habits that need to be formed in regards to my home and family, to my personal care, and to my relationship with God. Well, of course, you say, of course your relationship to God, you are studying to be a pastor. Thing is, often in seminary we students get so consumed by the work of the books about God, theology, ethics, missions, spiritual formation, the Bible, etc. that our personal devotional, prayer, and reflection time falls to the wayside. I experienced this my first year in seminary and it absolutely broke my heart. Finding my way back to school, a graduate student, wife, mother of two, chef, and church leader, I had to learn to navigate the waters. I got to the point where I was literally mourning for my God and His word. I wanted to just sit and read the Word and pray and talk to God. Crazy, huh?

Thankfully since then I have fought to make sure this does not happen again. We cannot give what we have not received. We must be able to share from the overflow. This is not possible if we are so spent that we have nothing to give! I am learning. I am certain there is so much more to learn, but like so much of life, it may have to be learned on "the job". I am so grateful for the many opportunites, (both practically and in the classroom) I am being given to grow into the call God has placed on my life. I pray always, that as just one of the parts of the body of Christ, I will live into my purpose alongside those with whom I am blessed to walk!

3 Highlighters, hundreds of pages, and a sermon

It has been more than a week since my last post. I have taken a flying leap into the Fall semester and am trying to get my "groove". I am taking the heaviest course load yet and working to maintain some balance but have yet to get there. I have read hundreds of pages and burned through 3 highlighters already and the semester is just one week old. I had the privilige of preaching again this past Sunday so the sermon prep took some time as well.
It is hard to believe this time next year I will be in the midst of my last semester but time keeps ticking by and the credits keep adding up! I covet your prayers now more than ever as I continue to seek God's guidance and strength in this journey. I don't have any deep theological thoughts this time, I am all thought out for the moment!
Peace!

Devotion and commitment

So I am working on a sermon about devotion and commitment. The Bible has a lot to say about these things and there are certainly particular examples we are given of these qualities throughout scripture, yet today these things are hard to find. So much of our culture romanticizes these things yet at the end of the day the "commitment" comes to an end when the going gets tough. Well what kind of commitment is that? One of the definitions of commitment is to agree to do something in the furture. I almost laughed out loud when I read that. That is not how people in our world today, for the most part, understand that word. For the world commitment is about how I feel right now, not about anything to do with the future. Commitment has rolled up in it one of the vows we take in marraige, "for better or worse". When the going gets tough, you stick with it. Thing is more and more our society is becoming absolutely commitment phobic. Not only do people hesitate to get married but people rarely RSVP for parties, because something better might come along. People don't even want to sign up to take a class that it more than two or three weeks. Are we that lacking in perseverance that we can no longer make the simplest commitment and see it through, much less the weightier ones.

I am curious about any strong examples of commitment and devotion that anyone reading this might want to share. Are there any from your own life? Are there any that you can think of in television or movies or the media? Let me hear about them!

The Journey...

If you are reading this on Facebook, check out my blog site at www.heatherswakeupcall.blogspot.com and leave some comments please! I can't be right all the time.

Well that title implies a lot but specifically I am referring to the journey toward ordination as elder in the United Methodist Church. It really is quite the process. When I first started the process I was amazed at just what one has to do to become ordained in the UMC. Anyway tomorrow I am going to a "Preparation Seminar" to walk me through what I need to do to prepare to go before the Board of Ordained Ministry next year. I know I have to submit my 20+ pages of answers to questions regarding my beliefs, experiences, theology, gifts, strengths, etc. I have to submit lessons for a Sunday School class that I have written. I have to submit a video tape of an entire service in which I have preached. I have to have all of this submitted two months before I spend the day with the BOM and talk about myself and all of this.

I have been mentored by many in ministry. I have been educated by some of the best. I have been called by the Creator of the universe. Still I look around and wonder how I got here. It is such a different reality than I imagined for my life. I sometimes have to laugh out loud. Who am I anyway?

So, just another step on the path. Sometimes I have to look down and slow my pace, lest I trip and fall on my face. I am so caught up with the view...

Reliance and Comfort

We've had two stormy, rainy, nights here in the ATL and it got me to thinking on the way to work today. Last night in the midst of the thunder and wind and lightening, I had the TV on and my laptop up and running, the lights on, etc. All of these distractions dulled my sense of the storm outside and gave me a sense of security. I know in the midst of some spring storms in the past, with no power and howling winds outside I have felt pretty vulnerable. Or in the winter, no power, surrounded by trees, listening to branches cracking and falling outside.
I am one of those people who does not cope well with the unexpected, like no electricity, appliances that don't work, and cars that won't start, sick kids, etc. I would venture to say that most of us don't. We have come to rely on these things.
It makes me think of the many parents I encountered while working in the hospital. They never thought they would be there with their child. Many had healthy, happy, children and one day they woke up and everything was different, shaking them out of the comfort of everyday.
We all take so much for granted.
I have thought often of just how privileged we are in this country and we don't even realize it. We can get just about anything we want or need from the store down the street by driving there in our car. Sick? There is usually a doctor's office and/or hospital a few miles away.
So, what am I trying to say here?
I guess what I am trying to say is this; if all of these things, conveniences, comforts, everyday normalcies were stripped away, how many more of us would be turning to God and relying on Him? Our senses our dulled and we have a false sense of power when all is right with the world.
Maybe being real requires not only love as I have said in the past, but vulnerability and surrender to the One who really is all powerful.

2 Corinthians 1:9Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

Women in ministry, what's a man to do?

Lest you think I am about to launch into some biblical exegesis on what Paul had to say about women in leadership in the church, fear not. That is not what this is about. And just so you know if I believed that what I was doing was counter to God and His word I would not be doing it. And just so you know, having learned, survived, and persevered through what I have in the last 3 years I would have to be absolutely crazy to do what I am doing without absolutely believing and knowing, that this is what God, very clearly, asked me to do, so...What is a man to do?

I would ask you to consider not only the challenges women in ministry continue to face but the challenges that their husbands face as well.

Pastors: If you know a woman in ministry, seek out her husband. Provide the support, accountability, and spiritual guidance that he needs from another man. His wife might be the pastor, but he is still the spiritual leader in his home. A pastor's wife will always seek out and find others to support her, a pastor's husband is a whole different thing.

Men of the church: Support this man. Give him a place to vent. Never refer to him as so and so's husband. He has his own identity and place in ministry. Respect the fact that he is supporting the call God has placed on his wife's life and that he and his entire family have been called along with her. It takes a special kind of man to agree to go along for this ride!

Men/husbands: You have been called along with your spouse. The part you play will not be the one she does but you are nevertheless called along with her, as is your family. Find ways to support her as her husband and as a family.

Finally,

Veteran Women in Ministry: Reach out to your younger sister's, most especially those who are married. It is one thing to be a second career pastor (your spouse did not exactly sign up for this when they married you), it is something else all together when the second career pastor is the wife. You and your spouse have spent year's navigating these waters and can be a wonderful source of support both individually and as a couple.

I am sure this list will grow and develop over the years, but this is a start!

What it means to be real...

So, I have blogged often about being transparent and how much I value transparency and authenticity. I value it not only in others but most especially in myself and how I am perceived by others. That's why last week, after leading a marraige enrichment class for 6 weeks, when I received an email from a participant that said they appreciated how I was "down to earth" and easy to talk to, I was so pleased. That was one of the best affirmations I could have received!

I talk so much about being "real" and perceived as real because I fear taking on the "pastoral mystique". To my knowledge this phrase was coined by Pastor Craig Groeschel in referring to the air that some pastors have. You know the kind that exude perfection, they make no mistakes, they have it all figured out, they are untouchable, and unfortunately unapproachable. That is what I am running from. I am reminded of a scene that Barbara Taylor Brown, Episcopal Priest, describes in her book "Leaving Church" that brought tears to my eyes when I read it. After years in ministry to the local church, Brown had decided to leave and take a teaching position at a college. She had been invited to a cookout type party that happened every year, yet had always felt as though she was held at a distance, not this time. At one point the party gets wild and people start throwing each other into the pool. Time stands still and she waits to see if anyone will attempt to throw her in or if like every other time she will be deemed untouchable in the eyes of others. She goes on to describe how exquisite it feels to be thrown into the pool, all arms and legs flailing around her as she hits the water. Finally real, like everyone else. I don't ever want to get to the place where I am not real. Where I am unapproachable or untouchable.

I also think of the children's book The Velveteen Rabbit and how badly that stuffed rabbit wants to be real and finds that what it takes to be made real is love.

Just rambling thoughts I needed to empty from my brain. What do you think?

Transitions

It's back to school time and it is a time of transition. Back to routines, back to classes, back to homework and early bedtimes. Well, at least for some. For others, they are sending their last child to college and will face an "empty nest". Or for those just starting college away from home it is a new time of independence and exploration. So many transitions. Transitions are hard, they can be stressful. Fact is we all experience transition regularly, in a new job, a new diagnosis, a death, a change of marital status or family dynamics. Our country is in the midst of great transition with job loss and foreclosures at an all time high. Many are being forced to live life in a whole new way. So what are we to do in the midst of such transition?

Find your own new normal. Set aside time daily to meet with the One thing that does not change. Fix your eyes on what does not change, on what is steady, Jesus Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith.

Malachi 3:6
I the Lord do not change. Amen!

Highs and Lows

What a day! It was so full of high points and one particularly low point. The girls are coming home tomorrow after being gone for 8 days and we are so excited. We have missed them so much! I finished leading a marraige enrichment class tonight and we celebrated with 6 couples renewing their wedding vows. That was a high and holy moment! At one point tonight Marten and I went on a wild goose chase for my "lost" cellphone. I kept thinking about how loving he was to get back in the car with me and retrace my steps looking for it, all the while disappointed in myself up for losing it. After a 30 minute detour and return home, I found my phone, and he was still sweet and loving. :) The lowest point was discovering a dear friend was in the hospital. We both visited at different times and are grieving for our friend.

We have encouraged our girls to recount their highs and lows on a regular basis with us so that we might know what is going on in their lives, celebrate their victories and thank God for them, and to know what is bothering them, what they are worried about or bothered by so that we can pray with them and for them.

Sharing your blessings and victories multiplies them. Sharing your sorrows and burdens halves them......

On a Jesus High

I have had the privilege of being one of the many voices in the lives of 6 teenage girls this last year. Five of the six are preparing to leave for college in the next 2 weeks and I am so excited for the adventure they are embarking on, but at the same time I pray I have had some part in equipping them for the journey ahead. Most of them have just returned from a conference for kids their age and they are on a "Jesus High". I so want that feeling to last, that hunger to last. I know that at some point it will fade and I pray that they will see it through. I feel like a spiritual parent in a way. It took some time but I finally realized what a huge opportunity I had in this brief time to share the love of Christ with them, to strengthen their faith in him, and help them to understand just how big and wide and deep God's love and grace is.
Unfortunately this grace was something foreign to me as a young person. I don't remember when I fully understood what this gift of grace was, what I do remember is how it turned my life upside down and set me free, and that I wanted and still want everyone to know about it. I wasted so much time trying to do it all on my own, save myself, be myself (whoever that was), be "spiritual", but I may as well have been running in circles. God's grace says you don't have to be "good enough", my Son is, and he died for you. All you have to do is love me, believe in me. I know every hair on your head and I created you with a purpose. Stop trying and just seek God. He is your Creator, the lover of your soul, He knows you better than you will ever know yourself. Seek Him and you will find yourself there. Breathe in His scandalous grace and finally be free.
My heartfelt prayer is that each of these girls knows this in the depths of their souls and that I had just a small part in their lives as they grow to be young women after God's own heart.
"Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near." Isaiah 55:6

Eternal relationships...

It's been a great week. The girls are in basketball camp from 9-12 and I am helping with Music and More Camp. We have had some nice afternoons. We spent 5 hours at the pool today with friends. Good stuff. I can't believe there are just 2 1/2 weeks left until school starts! Where has the time gone? We've had a nice summer but there is so much more I wanted to do with them.

I had the privilege of preaching again this last Sunday. It was Legacy Sunday. Kind of like an anniversary or homecoming. Our church was celebrating 126 years, so I was humbled to have the opportunity. I preached on, what else, leaving a legacy. Check it out here, under "Family Tree" http://www.snellvilleumc.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=45125

Like summer days, time passes so quickly and we don't stop to think about what the culmination of our lives will be or what we are leaving behind us, much less what kind of future we are making for our kids, really...I'm really not talking about money, lest you think I am, I am talking about the kind of human beings we are creating with everything we do everyday, but even more than that, the eternal implications of what we do and don't do, say and don't say. Like so many other things we can't just assume that things will take care of themselves. Any kind of life that is to be extraordinarily lived takes vision and intention. What kind of vision do you have for the future? For your children? What are you doing about it? Are you sharing your beliefs, but better than that why you believe them? We have so many opportunities every day to teach, to shape the future, to share the hope of eternity with our Creator. I think I am a pretty wide awake person, but I know I can improve. Even my own message has convicted me of this, not only with my own children but with people in general.

I heard a story third hand today. It was about a man that was once a police officer. He went into the same convenience store every day and saw the same woman. One day he was called to the store because of a shooting and he discovered it was her. He had never asked her name, though he saw her every day, much less shared his faith or beliefs with this person. She laid there bleeding out. He held his hand over the gunshot to stop the bleeding. When the paramedics arrived to take her to the hospital, the medics told him, "be careful, her blood is all over your hands". Well, that was quite a loaded statement. The rest of the story is cool but not necessary to make this point...I hope...

All in the family...

We are back from the annual Family Reunion and planning to stay put for the rest of the summer. At least I am. The Fall semester will bring four trips to Kentucky for 3 different classes. It should be interesting!
Family Reunions are always interesting. My siblings and I range in age from 45-39 and we all have children of our own. We all have found our own place in the world and calling in life. What is really interesting is what happens when we all come together. It never fails that in some way, shape, or form, we all either somehow revert back to our childhood roles and places or fight hard against them all week long. Very interesting. I find myself digressing too and it aggravates the fool out of me. I haven't quite figured out at what point or how it happens, if it is so many hours or days there and POOF, or if the metamorphosis somehow takes place in route???
I get to preach one of the services this week and it happens to be "legacy Sunday" where we celebrate our roots and our family. I am wondering how this all is connected. When we become believers, when we accept Christ as our savior, we become a part of the family of God and coheirs to the Kingdom with Christ. At times however we revert back to that old self, the "flesh" side of who we are. When we realize it, we fight it. I'm not sure how this all fits. I know that how I grew up, my family, and my past, all make me who I am today, but I just can't be that little girl, it's like a pair of shoes that no longer fit. I also know that all I experienced before I accepted that I was incapable of doing it all on my own, and asked Jesus to be the leader of my life and forgiver of my sins, has value. It too has made me who I am, and good or bad it can be used of God if I let it. God means to redeem e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g! We just have to be willing instruments! I'm a big girl now! Now I just have to act like it!
1Peter 2:1-3
1Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. 2Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

Removing Splinters

I had the unpleasant task of removing a splinter from my six year old's foot yesterday. With both our girls they tend to get close to hysterical at the prospect. We have to reassure them over and over that it has to be removed, the pain will be temporary, we may have to open up the skin a bit to remove it fully, but in the end we are preventing infection amongst other things.
Sierra got so hysterical and I lost my temper and raised my voice. Once it was all over I apologized to her for losing my temper. As I was talking to her I heard a message for myself in my words.

I told her I would never do anything intentionally to hurt her if it were not necessary to prevent further pain or problems. I reassured her that I loved her and that I had her best interest in mind, that it was my job to take care of her and protect her.

While I do not believe God would ever intentionally cause me pain I do believe I have experienced pain that He could have prevented, however that pain had a purpose, if the splinter in my life was not pulled out it infection would have set in. My Creator has my best interests in mind. And He will take care of you.
check it out...
http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/g/w/gwiltake.htm

Remember...

As I typed that title I was reminded that I have written before on remembering.
I am remembering that one year ago I was in Jordan, seeing and doing some amazing things. I am remembering what God has brought me through to get me to this place in time, to the person that I am now. Remembering has been a key part of my Christian journey. It is so much of what propels me forward when I don't think I am capable of taking another step. It is looking in a rearview mirror and then straight out the windshield in front of me and somehow seeing so much more clearly. It is evidence of God's faithfulness, providence, and provision through this journey.

The hard part about that clear shot out the front windshield is staving off the desire to try to see around the next corner, but instead just trusting that all is well, because I am not in the driver's seat, my Creator is (who better?) and I am the co-pilot. :)

My story, God's story...

It has been a week since my last post and I have my reasons. I headed to Kentucky last Sunday after church to the Asbury campus for a week long summer intensive. It was an awesome week and although it was now my 7th trip there I still longed to stay. It is such a Spirit-filled place, that campus, that town. It is absolutely a sign and foretaste of the Kingdom. Who wouldn't want to live there?! I am taking two classes this summer, one online "Communication as Christian Rhetoric" for which I will write speeches and sermons and have to videotape myself so that I can be critiqued by my classmates and so that I can critique them, and the other was this intensive, "Narrative Pastoral Counseling". This class was great. It taught me how to better care for the stories of others along with ways to help people tell their stories and own them.

So many of us believe the stories we are told about ourselves without ever knowing why, asking why, or writing our own story. Jesus Christ has rewritten the story of my life and I know I will never be the same. Stories inform and stories have the power to transform. Consider the Israelites in Egypt, they were oppressed slaves that had no stories of their own. They believed what they were told about themselves, that they weren't good enough, weren't worthy, weren't human, the Egyptian's story was their story, but God heard their cries, and God sent Moses to lead them out of their captivity and to rewrite their story forever.

Perhaps you are the Moses that God is sending into someone else's life, who has no real story of their own, that has believed they are who the world has told them they are, who believe there is nothing more than what they see going on. Perhaps God has heard their cries and is sending you to set this captive free?

The world deludes us into thinking God wants to be a part of our story, guess what, he already is, he created us, and wants to redeem us. The truth is we get to be a part of God's story, and we know how it ends. The question is how can we live into it?

What I learned from my father...

It's Father's Day and it got me to thinking about what I have learned from my father. There's a lot but these things stuck out in particular.

Persevere: I have come to realize that he has walked through a lot in his life and he always has done it while maintaining a respectable composure, never compromising his character or integrity, rarely saying an unkind word about anything or anyone (unless you're a democrat :) )

Work Ethic: Work hard and you will be rewarded. Don't be afraid to work hard. Don't be a wimp. Suck it up and do what you have to do.

Spend carefully and save: Think about where you are spending your money and how it can do the most for you.

Faithfulness: Say what you mean and mean what you say. Stand by your loved ones and make yourself available even when they don't reciprocate.

There is plenty more but these are all qualities that are a very big part of who I am, and I am because he is!

Happy Father's Day Dad!

Grown Not Made...

Heinz is running an advertisement now that starts with a tomato plant and what looks like a tomato growing yet it slowly morphs into a heinz ketchup bottle. The catch phrase is "grown, not made". This has really tickled my theological ponderings.

Are we grown or are we made? God created us in His image, perfect and complete.
Yet now we are covered by the stain of original sin that distorts this image.
I have thought repeatedly about whether we are grown or made. Is the perfecting power of the Spirit "growing" us into our intended form or does the Spirit instead, through his sanctifying power uncover our original form or, how we were "made"?

In pondering this I have come to the conclusion that it is a bit of both because we only have access to the power of the Spirit through the blood of Jesus. The acceptance of God's grace filled gift in Jesus unleashes incredible power within each of us that goes to work refining and growing us into God's original intent, uncovering His image, removing the junk that the world has sold us, that we have bought, removing the lies about ourselves that we have believed. The Spirit convicts us when we digress back to these places, believing that we are who people tell us and not who God tells us. I am rambling now, but I guess the conclusion I have come to is that we are made to be grown.
What do you think?

"This is the written account of Adam's line. When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God." Genesis 5:1

The logical progression of things...

The logical progression of things...I have said those words to others repeatedly this year in order to emphasize how often we make decisions and turns without really thinking things through. For many it's about what might be easier or more fun at the moment, what might feel good, or whatever. I see this play out in the way people relate with their spouses at the long-term expense of their marraige, with the way parents parent their children or put better, parents don't parent but instead do what is easiest at the moment so their child will stop acting up or begging for something or whatever. Essentially training this child to act accordingly with greater frequency to get what they want. I see this with young people choosing to do things they shouldn't be doing or lying to their parents or....the list goes on.

We really are such an instant gratification society. We have to have it now. We have to feel good now at the expense of tomorrow. The amount of debt the average individual is in is quite an example. Act now and worry about the other stuff later. But do we? Or do we instead just let it all fall apart bit by bit? Once we choose foolishly the first time doesn't it make it easier to do it the next? Sin is like that really. Our hearts grow hard and our minds grow dull until it all just gets way too bad.

I'm thinking that if we were made for eternity our decisions and actions should reflect that.
What do you think?

Hmmm...

Today was interesting. I had the privilege of doing a dialogue with the senior pastor of my home church for all three of our services. We are in the midst of a sermon series on World Religions. Three services back to back is a lot to do. The first one was awkward because we were finding our ways and looking for smooth transitions, the second time was awesome, totally smooth, the third time I was beat and thinking wow, seriously I'm doing this again? Really it was all great and a wonderful learning experience. I received a lot of positive feedback which was so encouraging but I kept wondering if people were just saying that. I told one person how much I appreciated their positive remarks but realized how much my church family loved me and wondered if they were being truthful. I mentioned this later to a friend who happens to be the wife of another pastor. I told her I wondered if the senior pastor would get any emails and hoped they would be positive too. She said something like yes, well it's funny how you would take those negative emails to heart but you question all of the positive feedback. Hmmm. She has a point there. What is that all about?

Really I just want honesty. If I need to stretch myself in some areas that I am not seeing I would like to know about it. I want some constructive criticism and feedback. That's all. Another challenge to move me forward and push me further. (not that I am not being pushed soooo far it is unbelievable already). That is part of my desire for transparency and authenticity though. If I disappoint people or if I have it all wrong I want people around that will tell it like it is. I can take it. I feel like I have a responsibility that I didn't before. I feel accountable in ways I didn't before. I want to be the best for God and I need everyone around me to help me be more fully formed in His image. No man (woman) is and island. We need each other.
Great day really. Full of wonderful life altering stuff. Wow, I get to be a part of that! Unbelievable!

Growing pains

From time to time my 10 year old will ask me to pull on her arms and legs because they ache and the pulling brings temporary relief. She is growing like crazy and I keep looking at her and thinking to myself "she is looking less and less like a little girl and I don't like it!" Needless to say she will go through some awkward stages. I wince to remember the same time in my life. I was just starting to wear glasses and soon thereafter braces. I was all arms and legs, very scrawny. Anyway all this to say I am feeling some growing pains of my own.
I told someone recently that I feel in a way like I am going through adolescence and young adulthood all over again. This journey that I am on is very rewarding but I'm not gonna lie, it's hard. See what I am doing is not anything I ever thought I would be doing. Honestly it was not even close to being on my radar. Now the trajectory of my life has changed dramatically. Honestly this is all hard for some people to understand. It's not something I chose, I'm just trying to be obedient to what I know God has asked me to do. It is not comfortable, easy, or natural for me. It is quite uncomfortable really. I am constantly trying to figure out who I am and what is next. It's disconcerting. I'm having a bit of an identity crisis I guess, some growing pains.
What I do know is this: God knows who He called. My creator knows me better than I know myself. God equips the called. With God all things are possible. I am a new creation that is for sure but sometimes I feel like I don't even know myself anymore. I am kind of hoping this is my awkward phase and that I am grwoing out of my awkward phase. At the back of my mind (and heart) constantly is that I want to be the best for God. I want to live an extraordinary life for Him. I guess I am trying to find times of temporary relief from these growing pains, pulling on my arms and legs won't do. I just keep looking up for answers and looking in the mirror for my reflection and not recognizing what I see.

Abracadabra...

Sierra, my 6 year old, and I went to dinner with my mom tonight. It had been a big day. Her big sister is on a girl scout trip so she has had mom and dad all to herself. Today she had mom and Nana all to herself. Glory! Anyway we were at a Cuban Restaurant and mom and I had ordered our drinks, mint tea. Sierra ordered lemonade, but our drinks came first, and our drinks were fancy with lemon wheels and lime wedges. Out of the corner of my eye I watched Sierra bow her head and fold her hands to pray. I knew immediately what she was she was doing. I asked if she was praying to God the great magician. "I want that on my drink. I want one of those", she said pointing to the lemon wheel. "So you are praying for God to do a magic trick" I asked half smiling. I told her she could have mine if she didn't get one on her drink. And then I proceeded with the following:
Well sometimes God works that way but what I know from the Bible is that God has given us all gifts and abilities and he expects us to use them. It is pretty awesome that you went to God first though. And so on...
We all do the same thing don't we? Sometimes we sit back and expect God to do some kind of cosmic magic trick. It's not that He can't but I think He expects more from us. God has partnered with humankind since the beginning of creation and God does not change. We are all uniquely gifted and purposed, we all are on a trajectory into God's story. We can set back and hope for the best and let life pass us by or we can use those God-given gifts and talents and live into those purposes and all of their implications.
Oh ya, as soon as Sierra's drink arrived sans the lemon wheel she snatched mine!

With blessing comes responsibility...

Gosh so much has been running around in my head lately I need to start carrying a recorder with me or writing stuff down. I think I started three sermons today on a short road trip but right now I could hardly tell you what about it.
Instead what I am thinking about the other day when I was finishing up some time in study and prayer and was just overwhelmed at how much I have. To many it may not look like much and to some I may look like a princess but I just sat amazed at all God has blessed me with, the simple wonderful things that we all want in life, a nice home in a comfortable community, good health, healthy children, a loving husband, a supportive family and friends, an awesome church family, a great part-time job, all of our basic needs are met. I can look out my window and see beautiful green trees and grass hear birds singing outside, the rain falling, the sun shining. I can choose what I want to eat, drink, wear. And I have a relationship with my Creator. He knows every hair on my head and He is teaching me about who He created me to be. Really I have so much more than I deserve considering there are so many people that go without every single one of these things. I'm not talking about people in some far away place but people in my county. People with kids who go to the same school my kids do. I am so humbled.
Last week see, I met with a mom who has none of this. She has just been introduced to Jesus and she has just started coming to church. She is perplexed by all of these strangers that care and want to help her and she keeps stopping to ask why. Time and again she has been told that she is only the recipient of what we ourselves have received, that God is the reason and that she is loved. Still she is perplexed. It is alot to take in really. When you have gone your whole life and the world has told you one thing about yourself and you believed it and suddenly you are being told something else, well. Anyway we all have that responsibility. We have been so blessed and we have a great responsibility as a result. As the body of Christ, the church in the world, we are called to live counter to the world, this is what it looks like. To God be the glory.

Reflections

I am reflecting on the last 5 months, mostly because my semester is ending, the girls are out of school after tomorrow, and I am worn out, but wonderfully full. Wow what a five months. Honestly I don't know how I made it through...well....I do. Chaplaincy internship, internship at church, part-time job, two classes, two children and my sweetheart. Phew. Oh also there is the Youth Girls small group I co-lead with my bud Linda, a young woman I have been mentoring individually, the monthly cook and freeze sessions my other bud Carol and I have been doing. I really don't like having such a packed schedule. I am definitely looking forward to a lighter load, however in reflecting I am so grateful for the journey.
I kinda feel like I am growing (read God is growing me) into a pastor type person. I am doing things more regularly like praying over people, counseling and shepherding them through challenges, doing things in ways I never thought, helping in ways I never thought, etc. etc. etc. People are starting to seek my advice, look to me for the answers, and help. Some of this happened before, but now I feel like the opportunities to minister are pouring all over me. This is humbling and wonderful. Exciting and terrifying. In reflecting, especially in the vulnerable, stripped bare, who are you really? and who is God in the hardest moments? times in chaplaincy I have had a few big revelations about me. One of them is this....I have become the person that I needed to meet at so many points in my own life. It sounds crazy but it breaks my heart for me. I stand amazed at what God has done and continues to do in me. I am certainly not yet fully formed but am more excited about being the clay.

Isaiah 64:8Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Philippians 1:6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

How mysterious!

Well I hit my end of semester wall and had to do something a little crazy so I went out and got myself some hot pink highlights. See, after a semester of hitting the books and having to say no to too many invites from friends and projects I would love to be doing, and children that would like more of my attention, I feel a little pent up and hemmed in. Right about now I get a hankering to do something wild. I starting thinking about why I have chosen two times to do extreme highlights and once to get a tattoo and I came up with this explanation...
One thing I prize is transparency and authenticity, mine and that of others. I never want to be thought of as unapproachable as a pastor or as not real. I am a very real person in every way, shape, and form. I want so much to meet people where they are in order to offer them the Jesus I know and share the love I have been given. That is hard to do when someone is not being real, if they are acting like they have it all together, when they don't. This I know, we are all broken and we all need each other! So I intentionally pursue transparency. The wild hair, for those that know me, makes them think twice...maybe I don't know her like I thought. For those who don't know me I think they regard me in a certain way at first sight. But there is soooo much more there than how I look. But you wouldn't know if you didn't take the time to get to know me.
That's my explanation. Keep 'em guessing but make them curious!
How transparent are you?

Here's a question for you...

The more I know the less I understand. Well that's an understatement. I have been working on the Board of Ministry questions that I will have to have answered before I go in front of them in the ordination process. All told that is probably two years off. I am working on them for a class this semester on United Methodist Polity and Discipline. It's a great opportunity to take a first attempt at these soul searching questions.
So, I am working on them and a quesiton came to mind that I am sure I will be asked when I am defending my answers in interviews.
If all God created was good, and evil exists, did God create evil? If so how is evil good?

I have my own ideas about all this. What do you think?

What defines you?

Heard some wisdom. Had to share. "We are so good at defining what we are against that what we are against has come to define us." Julia Butterfly
Really it comes down to your motivation and the condition of your heart. Do you mean to be right? To have your way? Do you even know what you believe, YOU, not what your mom and dad, husband, gradparents, told you was true or right. What do you believe? Why do you believe it? so many of us skate through life never thinking these things out. I have spent the last several years doing just that. Now about to finish my second year at Asbury I have not only thought about it. I have have had to articulate it....over and over and over again.
It seems that so many of us have our backs up about this or that wee come off as defensive and off putting. You know kind of like that ugly Christian that wants to cram Jesus down your throat. Anyway, just stuff I have been thinking about. Stuff that is rolling around in my head. It makes more sense to know what you believe and why. But before you tell others to believe what you do, find out what they believe and why. Sounds like a wonderful way to start a real dialogue don't ya think? Then real sharing can happen.
A proverb that I think constantly about, especially since my mission to Jordan and my Anthropology for Mission class:

He who answers before listening--that is his folly and his shame. Proverbs 18:13

Bottom line, don't think you have all of the answers if you have not even taken the time to figure out what the questions are.

My cup runneth over!

Man I can't believe it has been a week since my last post. I am so overwhelmed now that i am at the end of the semester. Everything is just happening so fast. I have one more week of chaplaincy with one big paper for that, 2 more weeks of UM Polity and Discipline with a VERY big paper for that and a final exam, and 2 more weeks of Greek with one more quiz and a final for that. The girls are wrapping up their school year too so a lot of things going on with them. CRAZY! I remember someone asking me at one point in time to do something in the church and I told them that I could not possibly take on one more thing. My plate was too full! I remember their reply. It was something like well, so your cup runneth over. As long as you are not walking through the valley of the shadow of death. HA! No I am far from there, well in some ways. In other ways I find myself dying to self over and over again. Not a bad thing I know. It certainly gives one a different perspective.
Today was the National Day of Prayer. Have you prayed for your country? I had the pleasure of leading a time of guided prayer tonight. The turn out was meager but we prayed and God heard and all is well!
Right now included in my daily prayers are the requests for God guided thoughts and strength and perseverance to finish strong this semester. Please pray with me?!

How bad do you want it?

It was a beautiful day today here in Georgia! My girls came home from school wanting to play in the sprinkler and with their super atomic water blaster water guns outside. Of course! Thing is these things are in one of our sheds in the back yard (one is for storage the other for lawn equipment), anyway being that they are outside there are spiders and spider webs that inevitably find there way in there, etc. I was in the midst of my 5th load of laundry so I asked, "well how bad do you want those things?" They both wanted them pretty badly but they were both a bit scared of what they might encounter when they went out there. So being the woman that I am I said, "well you must not want them that bad if you can't face your fear". (It's tough to be my kid, but it has it's moments) My oldest looked at me exasperated. I told her what I will tell you. There are a lot of things in life that we really want but often times we let our fear keep us from even trying.
What I ended up doing was telling them if they went out there and were brave, that I would walk with them and be there beside them but they had to get them out. So we all went together.
Great thing about being a Christ follower is, he walks with you wherever you go. He's got your back too.
Hebrews 13:6So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

One man's trash...

You know the saying... "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Well I think that applies in a lot of unexpected places that we don't often think about. See I believe that God means to redeem His entire creation...restore it. Along with that I believe that God's redemption is active everywhere and we can choose to be a part of it.
We all have junk in our lives that we would rather forget, bury, move on, take to the dumpster and never see again. But that junk still has experiences that stay with us that we carry around and don't forget. Sooooo we can always think about it as junk, and let it sit in our hearts and minds and stink up the place or we can find a way to redeem it by using it for good. I think we have a choice. Our trash can stay trash but it might be someone's treasure. What I mean to say is this; maybe you suffered some terrible abuse and you lived through it, or maybe you made a bad decision that you regret to this day, well that's where those things can stay or we can use that experience to come alongside someone else, to companion, to listen in ways that someone without your trash is incapable of doing, to share the wisdom born of your experience perhaps. This is the point where your trash becomes treasured by someone else.
No one can understand what it feels like to watch your own child die like another parent who has experienced the same thing. No one can understand what it is like to live with an addiction like someone else that does. No one can understand what it is like to live with chronic illness like someone else that does.
We all have a choice. We can bear one another's burdens. We can love our neighbor. We can turn our trash into treasure!

Thoughts on suffering...

I know those of you reading this might be thinking, "I wish she would finish this chaplaincy thing so we can stop talking about pain, suffering, trials, etc.", but that is where I am and this is quite cathartic. All told I have 3 more duty shifts and 3 more weeks of clinical hours, one duty shift tonight and 2 next week (not sure how I am going to survive that!). I wanted to share a reflection on suffereing that was shared with me. It is by Carlo Carretto and it is called "Why, O Lord?" Carretto was born in 1910 in northern Italy and was a key figure in Catholic Action, a group organized to mobilize the laity to action in advancing the religious and social message of the church. Later he joined the Little Brothers a group of contemplatives in the desert. Carretto has been likened to St. Francis of Assisi and his message on suffering is poignant.

This is one part of the mystery of suffering:
God permitsit.
God wounds me.
God destroys my harvests.
God rages in the storm.
God leads me to my death.
But precisely in wounding me (God) draws out the best in me.
If I were not woulded--how unbearable I should be in my fiendish security! How sure of myself!
Wounded, I remain calm and learn to weep. Weeping I learn to understand others, I learn the blessedness of poverty.
This is a fact.
If human beings had no pain, were never pushed to the limits of endurance, how hard it would be for them to enter the road to salvation!
If the Israelites had enjoyed freedom in Egypt, Moses could never have persuaded them to attempt the march of liberation.
If the desert had been full of beguiling oases instead of snakes, hunger and thirst, they would never have reached the Promised Land.
No spur can move us towards tomorrow more effectively than suffering.

"Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:3

Holy Hangover!

Well, more on Easter. All of the pastor people I know are riding high from their Easter's. One guy I love out of Washington baptized over 300 people in all of their Easter services. Crazy! Well all told they do have several campuses and had a total of 20 services but still, that is more than 10 people a service!
What was your Easter like?
I was beyond exhausted from a Friday duty shift at the hospital, sister's wedding last weekend, Sierra's sixth birthday, and school, work, etc. Need I go on? Seriously I think I half cried through most of the service I attended and was incredibly moved when 3 young men were baptized. Wow! In the midst of it I thought, wow, I get to do that some day. I want to do that a lot. These are eternity changing events. This is awesome. It's kind of how I felt when I told it like it was in the hospital a few weeks ago and the Spirit really moved. I want more. This is intoxicating and addictive and there is nothing else on this planet like it. God is so amazing!
Tell me about your Easter!

New Life

It's Easter, well not techinically anymore because it is after midnight, but nevertheless Easter. Today we celebrate the resurrection of our risen Lord, the forgiver of our sins, and Savior of our souls. In Him we are afforded new life, a blank slate, a new beginning. So what are you doing with that new beginning? I have lots of thoughts on what I need to do differently, more intentionally or better. The hope and promise that we are reminded of today brings some clarity for me with it. I have been so exhausted and overwhelmed with my many responsibilities this semester I think I have done nothing 100 % and that is totally out of character for me. There is so much I want to do that I simply don't have time for. I feel like I am being pulled in so many directions, my heart is being pulled in so many directions, and I just don't know where to turn first. I am praying for clarity. I am praying to be still. I am praying...

I'm conflicted. The whole chaplaincy experience has been so hard, well particularly the part concerning children, but I know that when I walk out of that hospital for the last time I will miss it. A few things I do know: When I am there I am fully surrendered to God like no other place. I am very vulnerable and fully reliant. Result? I know God can use me. I know that I am meeting people at some of the hardest times in their lives. At possibly their greatest point of need and questioning about who God is, where He is, searching for meaning. I know God uses people everywhere but I guess things just aren't that in your face everyday. People are not normally so vulnerable in everyday. Not quite so reachable. Far more challenging in many ways. Hard as it is I will miss these opportunities. I am praying God gives me more. That I can be faithful in the small things so that He will trust me with some bigger ones. Amen!
He is risen!

Who God is and who we are wherever we go...

More about chaplaincy. I wish I could say it is getting easier. What I can say is that I am understanding more, mostly about myself. When I am at the hospital I feel completely out of control. It is then that I am fully submitted and fully rely on God like no other. At home I feel so much more in control and control I do. A very wise person suggested that in both places I am the same person and in both places God is God. I just need to take some of what I experience in the hospital into all the other places in my life. Total submission and reliance on God. I need to live like that every day!
May it be so!

I know I've said this before but WOW!

I'm beat. I am ready for this semester to be over and I am only half way there! I do only have about 5 more weeks of oncalls at the hospital so there is an end in sight. One of the most frustrating things about my schedule this semester is the serious lack of time to just sit into anything. I feel like I am constantly being washed over and I am just trying to process every chance I get. Nearly impossible at the pace I am going.
Marten started a new job Monday which is good and bad but a job none the less. It obviously makes the logistics with the girls a bit more complicated. It gives us all less time together. I can't wait for summer!
So Monday, mysterious lights come on in my van and long story short we need a new transmission, not an inexpensive venture. I start stressing and really don't want to call Marten to tell him about the $5000 price tag. But then I get perspective. I am reminded of how insignificant this in the big picture. I am reminded of the pain and suffering and loss I see every day at the hospital and I am ok. I am usually the uptight one so after Marten gets over the initial shock he is ok too. We even laugh. So guess what? We find out yesterday that Honda is going to cover the whole thing and that we have to pay 0. Yup! Amazing. But that was late yesterday. The first part of the day was even more awesome.
I was doing my clinical rounds and was intentional about visiting a patient and family that had just been moved to my floor from the PICU. They have been at the hospital for nearly a month and had spent some time with the Staff chaplain on the PICU. The whole exchange was wonderful. I could have stayed all day. There were so many questions and God was doing so much in the room it was bulging at the corners with the work of the Holy Spirit. I am sitting there listening thinking I can't believe I get to be here for this. This is incredible.
There was so much searching going on. Mom calls herself a Christian and refers to her father's pentecostal background but she is not sure who Jesus is. Is he the great prophet that Jews and Muslims recognize or is he the Son of God. I was taken aback, thinking how could someone hear good preaching and read the Bible and not know. Biting my tongue I listened far more than I spoke. Before I left I prayed with the patient and with mom at bedside for continued healing and I asked God to continue to reveal who He was and to answer the questions being asked. When I finished I told mom that I would not normally tell her such a thing (because of our efforts to be interfaith and support the faith traditions of the people we minister to), then affirmed that Jesus is called a great prophet by all the major religions. She agreed. At the same time Jesus tells us who he is in the Bible. He says he is the Son of God. He either is who he says he is, Lord, or he was lying, Liar, or he was crazy, Lunatic. So he was either Lord, Liar, or Lunatic. You and God have to work that out so you can decide for yourself. She immediately grabbed me and hugged me for a solid one to two minutes. As she pulled away she had tears in her eyes and her son asked what's wrong with you, in a tone that most 13 year olds would use. She said something like you know when you just feel like God sent you an angel to answer your questions and show you he is here? He nodded. She said that's what I feel just happened. I smiled. She thanked me and I said I would check back on on them when I was back at the hospital.

WOW!

John 10:35-37 (New International Version)
35If he called them 'gods,' to whom the word of God came—and the Scripture cannot be broken— 36what about the one whom the Father set apart as his very own and sent into the world? Why then do you accuse me of blasphemy because I said, 'I am God's Son'? 37Do not believe me unless I do what my Father does.

There Will Be A Day-Video Devotional

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpBuEuagZxE

Something I will not soon forget

I had to witness something horrible yesterday. I watched a baby dying. I am still trying to shake some images and sounds from my mind. One of the hardest things is realizing that it happens everyday, several times a day, all over the world. The grief and loss and the things people say in trying to make sense of it all is really something to hear. It is amazing the strength that some people have. It is amazing the way that people can come together during such a time. This is what I have been called and have committed to be a part of and present for as a chaplain. While this is something that I am doing this semester it is in a sense something I have committed to doing for a lifetime when I said yes to God and His call on me. Wow, that's a revelation! While death in the physical sense may not be so in my face on a regular basis, it certainly will be, and is, in the spiritual sense. People are dying every day and some of them don't even know it. It is very interesting to see how those who have faith grounded in God and His promises weather these times versus those who do not have a faith grounded in God. I am intrigued by what propels people forward and keeps them fighting for the next day, the next breath. Hope is so instrumental in all of this. That is what my message was about last week in my sermon at the hospital. Hope gives us a reason to live but at the same time this hope can be a reason to let go. The promise of eternity with no more pain, tears, hunger, but instead peace, rest, love, worship, beauty. The hope that we can find in the eyes of another, in the prayers of another, those can propel us forward. The hope found in those who have walked this hard road before and survived. The hope that can be found in the new beginning afforded us by Jesus.

My message was about planting and nurturing seeds of hope. Being seeds of hope to others and nurturing hope in others. In the end we can all feast on the harvest of the hope we have nurtured and grown. In the meantime some of us might be chucking rocks and pulling weeds, others of us watering and feeding. We all have a part to play. Live into it. Share your seeds of hope, share your harvest. Let's all sit down at a feast of thanksgiving together.

Remember?

I confess, I am a shortsighted human. I repeatedly find myself getting so caught up in the challenge of the moment I often find it hard to do two important things (1) remember that circumstances are temporary (2) remember where I have come from and what God has brought me through. Somehow I lose sight of these 2 most important practices and my hope is in a holding pattern. It doesn't help that Marten has now been out of a job for 3 months or that this is the hardest semester ever on our schedule, with two internships, a part-time job, and classes.
I know that God has brought us through some very hard times and that this time is no different.
Ya and then there is that whole instant gratification mentality that comes with our culture, I may blame my short sighted conditioning on that as well. Where is there redemption for that?

Matthew 16:9Do you still not understand? Don't you remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered?

Preaching and Bodies

Something rare has occurred. I will actually have the opportunity to preach two times in two weeks. Imagine that! As a youngster in the preaching world (no jokes about age) this will rarely happen until later down the road. So I am beyond grateful for the opportunity. This Sunday I am preaching the Chapel service at the hospital. My message is about the newness, hope, and promise of Spring. It is about tilling soil, and planting and nurturing seeds. I will try to refrain from fertilizer jokes here. Anyway many of those listening this Sunday will be sick or caring for the sick, yet even in frailty and illness we all have a purpose. Some till, some plant, some water, some yank out the weeds. All of these are important parts in growth. What part are you playing? What season are you in? The wonderful thing about Spring is the newness, the fresh start. You know, kinda like the fresh start that we are afforded by the blood of Jesus!
Next week I will be preaching about the body of Christ at my home church. Again this message is about our individual purpose and our responsibility to live into it for the sake of others, for the rest of the body. Not only are we responsible to live into that purpose but to care for the other parts of the body as if they were are own. If you hurt your foot you might ice it down or prop it up or take some aspirin. What are we doing about our hurting brothers and sisters? And further would we curse our own hand or eye? Yet some do this to their brothers and sisters, members of the same body. Will that not come back to hurt them?
God has given us to each other. Let's be responsible. Let's bear fruit. They will know we are Christians by our LOVE!

The middle place

Ok, so, the story continues. The whole chaplaincy experience has transformed my reality. My struggle is with my own family, my own kids, now with an up close personal look at sickness and suffering of children. I am vascillating between hypervigilance and "suck it up, you are so beyond fine". I can't help but relate to parents when I meet them in the hospital rooms. When I see the pained look in their eyes. When I see how much they want to hope that this is just a bump in the road and that soon all will return to normal. For some it will, for others there is a new kind of normal. I can't help but see my own children laying in those beds, sick, in pain, scared.
Other times at home with my own kids after being at the hospital all day, complaints of sniffles and about what we are eating for dinner exacerbate me. Don't they know how healthy they are? Don't they realize how blessed they are to be eating food with a fork instead of being fed through a tube, sitting at a table instead of laying in a bed, walking and running and feeling the wind on their skin instead of confined to one room or one building?
This is my struggle. I am trying to find the middle place. That is where these two realities intertwine and mesh, where one makes the other more real.
Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent, forty days, excluding Sundays, between now and Easter. Jesus spent 40 days in the desert before he was tempted by Satan. Did this time in the desert, this time of self denial and solitude make Jesus more real? More human? Does suffering make us human? Jesus himself was the intertwining of God and man, fully God, fully human, Jesus is the middle place.

Balance, huh?

This is something I struggle with. I do too much sometimes, I know. I tend to take on a lot, I know. Truth is I do say no to things, I just say yes to more. I have come to better understand who I am and who I am not and therefore what I should not put my energies toward.
Everyone seems to be looking for balance, work, family, play, church, etc. I don't want that. For there to be "balance" means I am not 100 % sold out for Jesus. That means giving everything I do my all, my best, for his glory. Jesus took his time away from the crowds to pray and to rest but he always went right back to work. I don't think there really is a separate compartment for everything. With God at the center all else in my life is touched by Him, His love for me and mine for Him. That is balance! To have great balance physically a strong core is necessary. We all hear talk about exercises to strengthen our core, right? If your love for God is at the center, the core, what are you doing to strengthen your relationship with Him? How will that likely affect the rest of your life?
Just something to think about...

Proverbs 16:11Honest scales and balances are from the LORD; all the weights in the bag are of his making.

This resonates with my journey...

Ok so I have been talking about how incapable I feel to minister to people in the situation I find myself in as a chaplaincy intern. I read in scripture when I am weak, he is strong, that he will equip me for every good work and I believe it all. I have experienced this first hand, yet the human part of me cannot help but be anxious and hesitant and frankly wanting to run and hide some days. This devotional reading came to me today. Watchman Nee wrote the following and it says it all:

I believe many people are so rich and strong that they give no ground for God to work. I frequently recall the words, "helpless and hopeless." I must tell God, "all that I have is yours, I myself have nothing. Apart from you I am truly helpless and hopeless." We need to have such a dependent attitude toward God that it is as if we cannot inhale or exhale without Him. In this way we shall see that our power as well as our holiness all comes from Him. Oh how God delights in seeing us coming hopeless and helpless to Him. A brother once asked me, "What is the condition for the working of the Spirit?" To which I replied that . . . the Holy Spirit must first bring us to a place where we can do nothing by ourselves.

"My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power" (1 Corinthians 2:3-5).

It's a hard place to find yourself but truly find yourself you will!

We are fragile...

The theme of these last weeks has come to a head in the last two days. Life can change in an instant. Your normal can become a new kind of normal in the blink of an eye. We really do not think about how fragile we are, what an incredible gift life is everyday, how blessed we are to have kids that get dirty playing outside so we have do use stain remover and do incredible amounts of laundry, while some parents are praying for their child to leave a hospital bed, to utter one word, or walk, to even see their next birthday. It can all change in a blink. A new diagnosis, a car accident, a sudden illness. We take for granted that tomorrow will be like today, that we will all open our eyes, and step out of bed in the morning. Sigh...
Sitting with a family whose eleven year old, that has never been in a hospital since the day she was born, and holding their hands, and listening to their fears, shock and disbelief while they hear their daughter has a brain tumor that requires immediate surgery, well, that can change your reality. We all know intellectually that this happens, but imagine yourself in the room getting the diagnosis with your child. It happens every day, several times a week, all over the world. We take so much for granted. We take each other for granted. If we all just loved each other more. If...
Hug your kids, your friends and your family a little tighter. Appreciate the hardworking people that make your life easier in whatever capacity. Well, I could go on for days, but Jesus said it all when he said, "Love one another".

Foolishness and Obedience

What does one have to do with the other, this foolishness and obedience?
I was talking to a group tonight about discipleship and disciplemaking. There came a time of questions and answers toward the end and the question came up as to how I got into CPE, Clinical Pastoral Education, working as an intern in the chaplaincy department of a local children's hospital this semester. I have gotten some "bless your hearts" and some "wow, that's greats" but honestly I don't know how I got here. I don't know how I am halfway through my second year of seminary, and frankly how I stand up and talk to 100s of people or pray with and for them either. Totally honest, I don't know how.
God gets all the credit here. All I have tried to do is be obedient. To walk toward Him and His ways. Most of the time, totally honest, I am absolutely terrified. I keep looking around for Aaron to speak for me!
Call me a fool for believing God is always going to show up, or for walking forward in obedience when I feel completely incapable of doing what He has called me to, but this I know. The more I have to rely on Him for every single thing the better right? For most things in life this is easier said than done. We'd all rather stay in our comfort zones because there we know what to expect and what resources we have, etc. But outside of our comfort zone...the place I seem to live these days...we are more or less forced to rely on God. It is here that He can do His best work, when we are fully surrendered, right? I am counting on it!

Phillipians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Hhhhmmmmmm...

I don't know what to write, but feel the need to write something. It has been a busy week with Monday at the counseling center for didactics then to the hospital for clinical time with patients and families. Tuesday was my personal chef thing and then to the hospital for more clinical time. Today was a cook and freeze session, then meeting at the church and work for my internship. Tomorrow a birthday party and cleaning out my office...my classes start back up next week, my second Greek and UM Polity and Discipline. I cleaned my office after to school was out and it stayed clean for awhile, and then things started piling up again. I guess life is kind of like that sometimes too!
I work my second on call shift Friday night at the hospital, so I am pretty much resigned to some calls to emergency and maybe to a trauma, arghhhhh. If you are reading this before then, pray for me. Pray that all that responds to those calls has nothing to do with me and everything to do with God!

Grief, loss, despair, an opportunity or a stumbling block?

Death, grief, loss, despair, all difficult parts of being human. These are times that can bring us to our knees before God holding on to Him with all we are or they can send us running in the opposite direction. What causes us to turn one way or the other? Lots of things...
Well I find myself in the midst of many people facing some of the most difficult times in their lives. Their children are sick, possibly dying, being diagnosed with what may as well be a death sentence, how do you assure someone of God's love and presence in that? I am perplexed as to the questions of if God created this baby and purposed it life why is it dying in a NICU having undergone surgery after birth and never going home to the nursery that was prepared with love and hope filled expectation? How can I assure when I don't know myself? I mean, I understand why there is evil in the world and I can reconcile that with a wholly good and omnipotent God but why would a baby be born this way?
I went to a funeral a few weeks ago. One of the pastors at the service did something he said he doesn't normally do, he spoke about Jesus, salvation, and offered to pray for and with those who have not given their lives to him. I thought to myself, "why, funerals are a huge opportunity to reach people who might never step foot in a church or any other faith environment ever, why wouldn't you do this at every funeral?" I have also thought in these last weeks that I find myself in a similar place. I have the opportunity to speak to people about God and pray with them and share His love that might not ever know any of this. I am meeting these people at a very difficult, very vulnerable time in their lives when they have very big questions. How do I do this? How can I share God's love so that they will run to Him and not run away?
I know our Savior was a man of many sorrows, familiar with suffering, many of these people don't, and even those that do see their innocent children suffering and ask WHY?
I'd LOVE your feedback!

Where do I begin?

I have been pondering soooo many things lately and God has been speaking to me about so much and putting many challenges and opportunities in front of me. I guess the trick is to see the challenges as opportunities...a chance to do something differently or become better at something or try something I never have before, that if not challenged I would never have the opportunity to do! That's the point I came to in the seemingly continuous stream of "challenges" since saying "yes" to God and His call...hhmmm...I guess this all goes along with the popular cliche that God does not close a door without opening another...sometimes it takes awhile to realize where that door is or what you thought was a rug or a lamp is actually a door...right there all along!
Honestly I do not think I can rein in my thoughts enough to stick to one topic. What's been on my mind and in my heart? Disipleship, relationship, loss, grief, how the hardest times in our lives can bring us to our knees begging for God or can send us running down the road in the other direction, community, how much we all need each other, how we can never truly know who we are or who God created us to be unless we give ourselves away to others, until we become vulnerable...no man/woman is an island.
Ariana, my 10 year old was talking about what she wanted to be when she grows up the other day. She does this often as do most children. I don't remember talking about it much myself. I never had big aspirations to be anything in particular. What I was thinking was however is that I never dreamed, no that is not the word, I never even thought about doing what I am doing now. It was not within my realm of understanding. Seminary? What's that? Chaplaincy? Are you kidding? Why would I want to do that? I keep looking around and wondering how I got here, nothing was calculated, nothing planned, just total abandon, totally relinquishing control. You can only beg God for so long to use you and fill you with His Spirit before He starts taking you up on the offer! Whenever I try to take control back He reminds me that I am incapable and am so much better off with Him in control. Amen and amen.
I'll try to rein something in and focus next time...

Wow, what a week!

The last week has been a challenging one. You're probably beginning to wonder when I am not challenged! I spent the week getting oriented to Scottish Rite as an organization and then in the capacity of chaplaincy intern. For the next 5 months I will be doing a chaplaincy internship, supporting and ministering to the families and children that find themselves at Scottish Rite. I would be lying if I said I am not overwhelmed by this latest task that God has put before me. I am incredibly humbled by the place I find myself in. I keep looking around and wondering to myself, "How did I get here? How am I going to get through the next five months? How can I stand beside a parent who's child is dying or in excrutiating pain, and be the steady calm?" I have already seen and heard stories about horrible things. I already have a new, incredibly huge, appreciation for all who care for these children and families. My answer is to beg God to erase any part of me and replace it with all of Him. That when I speak the words will be His and not mine. That when I pray I will be filled with the Spirit. That when I am present with these families in pain and uncertainty, God's love and presence will be felt. That when what I see and hear makes me feel weak, He will strengthen me.....and so much more. I want to be His light and His love in the dark, frightening places these families will be facing. Pray that it is so.
I will share stories as I am able. Thank you for your prayers in order to persevere through this experience while continuing classes, my part time job, an internship, and of course being a wife and mother!

Homeless and hungry....

So, I did something without giving it much thought today. As I was leaving training for Scottish Rite there was a homeless man standing with a sign at the light. His sign said "homeless and hungry". Having just reached into my bag and pulled out an energy bar (homemade I might add :) ) and brushed up against an apple, I rolled down my window and said, "I have an apple, would you like it?" The kind man walked up to my window and said, "thank you, yes, how is your new year getting started, how are you?" I told him I was good but that my husband had lost his job. He shook his head and said he hoped Obama could do something and feared the world might be coming to an end. He then said he thought God might just be angry and fed up. I said "amen to that". But i also countered with the fact that maybe it was just a good wake up call for everyone. He said many mornings he woke up and told God he would be better off up in heaven with God, not here. He told me how some people had offered him a place to sleep and how he had heard about a place in Toccoa that might help him get a fresh start. I told him about Trinity and the soup kitchen and the ministry that they have there for men that was similar to what he was describing. He told me he had been married a long time but now he was divorced and felt very alone. I said, "well if you know the Lord you are never alone." He said, "I know the Lord, I know the Lord." The light changed and he said God bless you and I said the same and drove off.
In hindsight I wished I had told him that yes heaven would certainly be better but that God had plans for him here. That if he does indeed know the Lord, that it is his job to tell people about him and live out the love he has found only in him. I should have assured him that his life has meaning and purpose. It also made me think about a class I took last semester. The topic for the class was the problem of evil. How can God be wholly good and omnipotent, and evil still exist? Well, this was discussed for the entire semester so I can't put it all in a little box for you, but one conclusion I came to was that without any suffering in the world there would be no reason for compassion. What would move people to act? There are many people that are just now beginning to experience hardship they have never known. Some will for longer periods than others. Over time however this experience will allow many to feel compassion that was never possible without their own lack or the lack of others.
Just something to think about.
I am thinking about going back to talk to that man.

New Year, New Beginnings and Relationship

Happy New Year! It's the time of year when many of us resolve to do something differently or better. Some of us might resolve to spend more time in prayer or study, eating better, or exercising.
God the Father offered us an incredible opportunity for a new beginning when He sent His Son to live, and walk, and teach on the earth, and ultimately to die for our sins, the perfect sacrifice in order to restore us to relationship with God. Jesus told his disciples that he had to leave them but when he did the Great Counselor would come, the Holy Spirit. The cleansing of mankind enabled the Spirit to dwell in each of us if we only extend the invitation. None of us is worthy, not one, without the perfect sacrifice that restored us to the place of possible relationship. God loves us so much, but he does not force Himself upon us. We must choose Him. When we do, the next step is relationship. Just like any relationship it takes commitment, time, energy, and intention. God already knows every single thing about each and every one of us. He did, after all, create us. The question is how well do we know Him?
The best way to do this is to read His Word, spend time in prayer, study, and in fellowship with other believers. How are we to know or recognize His voice if we are not familiar with His Word and His work in the lives of other believers?
One of the music groups I have been listening to lately has a song called "I Will Possess Your Heart". Click on the YOUTube screen on the right and you can listen for yourself! It's all about what it takes for relationship but it brings to my mind how God wants us to invest our time in order to build our relationship with Him. As a result, He will possess your heart, if only you take the time, that, I am certain of!