The Trinity Part 2

As soon as I typed that title I felt compelled to make this a 3-parter! It only seems right since we are talking about the Trinity. This last week has further actualized God's revelation of who He is in choosing to send His Son, to take the form of a helpless child, into the world with the eventual end with death on a cross, death for our sins, doing for us what we are incapable of doing for ourselves, sacrifice in the name of washing our sins away and repairing our relationship with God.
I had the privilege of attending both a wedding and a funeral this weekend. Both were instances of great celebration. Such peace comes with assurance of who you are in Christ and where your eternal destination lies. It was said at the funeral that God always shows up. Sometimes it is in our loved ones, friends and family God has put around us to celebrate with us, grieve with us, encourage us, this is the body of Christ acting in accordance with how God has revealed Himself. In the case of Christmas, however God showed up as a baby in a manger. He showed up and walked through this world, he shares our hurt, our joy, our awe, our love, a love that is not self referenced, but comes from Him. He shows up when we cannot show up for ourselves.
Forgive my rambling but it also makes me think about how we fail one another when we do not "show up".
So many people have shown up for me, for Marten, for our girls. Without our church family, without the body of Christ, Marten would not know our God today. It does "take a village"! God's Spirit, the great Counselor that came freely to us upon Christ's ascension, is working through and in that village. We must only pay attention and be obedient!

Trinity, Community, the body

The Trinity has been on my mind a lot lately. Can't tell you why exactly, I guess I need to pay attention. The Trinity is a hard thing to wrap your mind around, much less try to explain to someone. Many a children's book has been written about it and many an analogy has been made. Maybe you have heard the water, vapor, ice one or the apple peel, flesh, and seed? The concept of how God has revealed Himself through scripture and through history has tripped people up for centuries. It was one of the reasons for a split in the early church between the east and the west. Did the Holy Spirit proceed from the Father and the Son or from the Father alone? How do we describe this one form three essences? One essence three forms? Anyway the explaining is diffficult. The experience makes a difference.

You see the Triune God, Father, Son, and Spirit exist in a state of constantly giving selflessly, one to the other a constant giving of self flowing from one to the next. This is the model for the body of Christ, the church universal, God's people in the world, constantly giving of self, one to the other. If you are always giving, never expecting in return, BUT the next person is giving, etc., etc. what kind of world would this be?

I can honestly say I have experienced the Triune God through His people in varying degrees. that is what has really been on my mind. The more I experience it the more I grow to be part of it. More about that next time...

My brain hurts but my heart is full...

So, I am sitting here working on one of my final papers for my Anthropology for Christian Mission class. It's finals week and I have completed my work for two classes but have two more to go. I'm tired. I want to be done. I want to veg and watch Christmas movies. My brain hurts. BUT, my heart is so full of all I have learned over these last months. On the outside things might be and look hard but on the inside God is doing amazing things. Some days I hardly recognize myself anymore. Most days I wonder how I got here and what could I possibly have to do in this role that has been cast for me. I feel like such an understudy, occasionally allowed to play the role, then sink back into anonymity.
I was thinking today about the last year and a half of seminary and what I have really learned. For the most part what I think has happened is that an excavation has been done. All of the dirt and garbage from this world and all of its yuck has been removed. But not removed never to be seen again, removed in order to be used to provide fertile soil for sowing seeds, redeeming the junk and using it for God's glory. It has been as well a process, and continues to be, of figuring out who God really created me to be, what He wants, not what I want or anyone has told me to be. My heart is full because I know my God is working, refining, honing. Sometimes it hurts but so do many cures for the sick!
Back to work....

How big is your God?

Times are tough for some more than others. It's kind of a wake up call to some of us who easily come by the necessities in life. Others know what it is like to not have basic needs met on a pretty regular basis. Where is God in all that? Well this is the way I see things...

I believe that God is a God of abundance! I do not believe there is a limit on what He can do and provide. I believe that as a planet and as a people we have been given everything we need, but I also know that some of us have better means and circumstances to access resources to meet those needs. I also believe that to those whom God has gifted in place and in circumstance a greater responsibility is given.

We have all we need. God has been partnering with man since the beginning of time, it is in His nature to continue to do so. God's resources are unlimited. Yet so many of us don't live like that. We hang on to what we have and fear giving it away because what might tomorrow bring? It makes me think of the Israelites in the desert, collecting the manna, even though God had told them not to, only to find it had rotted the next day.

Do you believe that God will meet your needs? Maybe you are hanging on to something that you don't need right now but someone else does. Give generously. Trust that God will provide. Love one another.

So very thankful....

I am thankful for so much. More than anything I am thankful for the people that God has put in my life and whose lives I have the privilege of being a part of. I am in awe that God loves me so much that he has blessed me with each and every person around me and my family. I need each and every one of them!
The semester is about to come to an end and I am a little burnt around the edges. I am ready for a long winter's nap, ready for Marten to know he has another job, ready to know that school is paid for for a change, ready to rest, if only for awhile. Those of you that know me know I have a hard time sitting still for long! It's a good thing because come January I am starting CPE, which is Clinical Pastoral Education. I will be doing this at Scottish Rite Children's Hospital, an internship as a hospital chaplain. I look forward to this practical experience in ministering to families and all God will be doing in and through me. I will also be starting a student pastorate at a little church just south of Social Circle. I am overwhelmed by this opportunity and look forward to that as well, although truly it seems surreal. In addition I will be taking two classes and continuing to work part time.
All that being said, I sure would appreciate your prayers! I ask that you join me in prayer for God's provision in a job for Marten, strength, energy, and annointed words to share in both my CPE and in my pastorate position, and very importantly, someone(s) to help support my seminary costs. Not receiving any of the scholarships I applied for and not being eligible for financial aid has made being obedient to God's call more than a little challenging financially, but nevertheless the obedience is not negotiable. I will continue to move forward in whatever ways I am able! Doing otherwise is frankly impossible!
Jeremiah 20:9
9 But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.

The Change of Seasons

So much seems to be changing right now. On the surface winter is coming on full force no doubt with our 18 degree temperature in Georgia this morning! We have a new President coming into office that ran on the idea of change. Marten is looking for a new job thanks to Circuit City closing all of the Atlanta stores, I am finishing up another semester in 3 weeks and trying to get things in order for next semester. I am praying about an opportunity to take a student pastorate position at a small church, and Monday is my 40th birthday. Man that is a lot of change! It really is enough to send someone over the edge. BUT, Marten and I have gotten some practice at this turmoil before and we are getting the hang of it. Yes we are uneasy, and as I said, I was angry for awhile about the job, but underneath it all, and this goes for Marten too, is a sense of peace and assurance. We know whose we are and we have seen Him come through in awesome ways before.
It's time for me to preach to myself. Some of the things I have found myself saying to others (friends, classmates, family, and in interviews) lately are: "we need only step forward in obedience, the details are His and He will work them out, the kingdom is brought to earth in those small steps taken forward". "We do not get to pick who we sit next to in the Kingdom. They will probably not look like us, talk like us, or smell like us, but they are our brothers and sisters, God's beloved children." "It is normal to doubt. You live your life and God shows up and you know that it is more than a story". "Yes all of this newness is overwhelming but it will be fine and I will learn so much by being stretched outside of my comfort zone". "To be honest with you nothing about this whole thing is comfortable. I did not think when I was a little girl, 'oh I want to grow up and go to seminary and be a preacher', but God called and I answered and the rest has nothing to do with me and everything to do with what He can do in and through me."

Thank God it has nothing to do with me! I am just a willing instrument. AMEN!

Building Projects

My friend Linda and I had a great time with our Youth girls small group this weekend. We had a sleepover at Linda's and spent a lot of time talking while we put together and decorated gingerbread houses and a gingerbread church to auction at our church's Harvest Festival next weekend. It was quite an undertaking and while the results were pretty fantastic the process was most rewarding. While building and creating I thought about the time and energy and effort we all put into making our lives just so, maybe it is appearance or decor and maybe it is truly strong to the foundation, nevertheless, how little or how much does it take in life to destroy the veneer if the foundation is not so strong? What if you have not taken the time to do the real hard, dirty work? It made me think of the passage in matthew 7 about the wise and the foolish builders...24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.
Who knows how much money we will raise for the church as a result of our labor, one thing is sure the time we spent building was priceless!

Shock and Awe

Yes I know I have been noticeably absent for the last 10 or so days. I must confess I have been in shock at the latest occurrence in the lives of the Jallad family. Many of you know Marten was out of full-time work for a year and has been working his new job for less than a year, all in the midst of discerning where God wants us and how the next several years will play out as we answer the call to seminary and full-time ministry. About 10 days ago we were told that Marten's job would essentially end come December, somewhere between the middle to the end. His company is closing 150 stores, all of the metro area included. Oh ya and no severance package, just that's the end see ya later, bye. So in my human shortsightedness I went into shock. I was mad. Mad at the company, hurt for Marten and what I knew he had to go through again. I confess I was mad at God for allowing this to happen. Scared, yup fear has crept in and I am fighting it daily! Fear is not from God!
Marten has been incredible. He remembers what God brought us through before. How amazingly, through the people He has put around us, He has provided again and again. He remembers, and so must I. I must remember that this is temporary. That He is eternal. That the hope we find in Him propels us forward. I must remember, but I also need to be reminded, by Him, by Marten, by you! We could all use those reminders couldn't we? God has not caused this to happen but He will be glorified in it if I have anything to do with it. I must remember to stand in awe of all He has done, all he has brought us through, and all He is doing and will do in the future.
Lest I resort to feeling sorry for myself or for Marten or for our girls I will think of Job. Do you know that in the book of Job, through the anguish and the torment hope is mentioned some 18 times? That puts things into perspective!
Pray for us please...
Hebrews 10:23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

What's your motivation?

Ok, I think I've got some answers to the really big questions, well, on second thought I know who has the answers to the really important questions. There was a time when I was a real know-it-all about this God thing, kind of in your face, "I know something you don't know". Not real attractive, actually. I have moved from that place to a place where God has humbled me in my know-it-all attitude more than a few times in order to get me to act accordingly. Instead I now come from a place of one who wants to share Jesus and all that comes with him and that he is available to everyone! There is a difference in motivation here. The former is one of know-it-all, smugness and the latter is one of love and sharing. Which place are you coming from? Before you answer consider this. Someone is dating someone of a different race. This someone's relative is taking a class learning how to share their faith with people with different religious beliefs. Sounds pretty incredible right? This person is so motivated to share their faith that they are taking a class on how to do it with people of different religions. At the same time they have completely rejected and denounced the idea of their relative dating someone of a different race. How do those two things fit together? What then is the motivation for taking this class? Is it sharing Jesus out of love with love? Or is it instead an "I know something you don't know" motivation? This individual, it might seem, thinks that they are better than this person of a different race. What do you make of that?
I tell you all this to say, I have been there. I have been the know it all, I am better than you person. To remind us that we all need to check ourselves and our motivations to see how pure they are. And finally to remember that apart from Him we are nothing!

John 15:5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

I don't deserve my husband...

Seriously, I don't. Put yourself in his shoes, especially you guys. Imagine your spouse telling you that God has called them to seminary and ordination and now basically everything is going to change. First, can you even say no to your spouse if it is God that is calling? Second, if you are the husband and the wife is "called" and you "go along with it" what does that say about you? Marten has asked himself this question. He has verbalized it to me a few times. He cannot decide if it makes him a really weak man or a really strong one. I say the latter. It means, essentially, that we will move several times, that he will possibly have to change jobs, that as a family we will be under a microscope (like it or not), it means he will often be known as "Heather's husband". Now whatcha think fellas?
I think that Marten deserves far more credit than he is given. I think that God is amazing to have put us together. Marten has always supported whatever I have done and although this latest adventure was met with initial hesitation, it is no different. He is my steady no matter what. And yet I know I don't deserve that.
This all makes me think about surrendering our lives to Christ. In a sense it is like jumping off a cliff, but at the same time knowing we will be caught, knowing there is that "steady" there. Man is that a relief! Do we deserve it? No, for we have all fallen short. But still he is there.
This has been a tough journey and I don't expect it to get easier anytime soon (I must be doing something right!). There have been many stops and starts, way too little sleep, and so much love, and lots of strengthening of those faith muscles. God is good. All the time.

Isaiah 35:3 Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way;

Left, right, conservative, liberal, evangelical...

I've been letting some things marinate about this whole election and thought I might speak a little truth into things. First, I am having a hard time getting behind either candidate. I don't think either one can do what needs to be done but I am praying that with God's help the man with the greatest vision for the right direction in which to move our country will be in office come January.
This is what I am struggling with...As a disciple of Jesus Christ I believe that God gives us everything we need. What does that mean? To me it means that God has given the planet all we need and we are to share what we have been given...some places and people have more and some have less. Some of us are more capable of accumulating and manipulating resources than others. Some are disabled, some are innocent children born into poverty, some are people beaten down by the world and their circumstances. So do we just ignore them? We earned it right? It's ours. Excuse me? Or is every good and perfect gift from God? Do you have anything that you have not received? As Christians I believe we have a responsibility to help the least and the last in whatever ways we can. I certainly have been incapable of overcoming and acheiving things without the people that God has put in my life and the resources they have shared with me. What about you? Will there be people that take advantage of our generosity? Yes! But does that have anything to do with the dispositions of our hearts? If we are doing what God calls us to do that is what matters. The rest is up to God.
Don't get me wrong I am not necessarily suggesting that our government should distribute our resources, this is truly something we should all be doing in obedience. What has bothered me most is that neither man, with both claiming to be Christian, and no one else for that matter, have called this out. Politically incorrect? Hmmmm.
Why the lack of a sense of social justice on behalf of evangelical Christians? We will fight tirelessly for the unborn, but what about those already breathing air? To him whom much is given much is expected.
I hope I have not offended anyone. I am trying to call things as I see them. As always I look forward to feedback.

Matthew 10:8b "Freely you have received, freely give."

Masks

Halloween is just around the corner. The girls went shopping for their costumes this week. As usual there was lots of talk about what or who they would be and that changed at least once a week since last Halloween! All of this talk about costumes got me to thinking about the masks so many of us wear everyday. Does anyone really know who we are behind those masks? The happy housewife or the desperate housewife? The happily married or just barely holding it together, sleeping in different rooms? The perfect little family or the one with kids breaking curfews, parents avoiding their kids, and no one talking to each other...I mean really talking to each other.
Sounds like we all need to get real with each other! Ya it's hard, no doubt but we have to be genuine, that is part of being in relationship with other people. God knows who you are behind that mask, what is real and what you are acting at. He has put people around that can and will support you and help you move to a place of genuineness. We can only form truly deep relationships when we show people our scars, (or gaping open wounds), admit our weaknesses and frailties and show them who we really are. Otherwise they are forming a relationship with someone who is not you at all! The church, the body of Christ, is a great place to do this and yet I have heard all too often lately that it is the last place people will. This breaks my heart. We are all broken and in need of a Savior. The church is meant to be a hospital for the sick, we are all that. If you are perfect, if you have it all figured out, then give up your seat on Sunday for someone else, help the rest of us, but don't run and hide and pretend to be someone you are not. Masks start to sweat and stink and are suffocating after awhile.

1 Thessalonians 2:4-6 (New International Version)

4On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts. 5You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed—God is our witness. 6We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else.

Passion...Oh My Dang!

What are you passionate about? I just shared the story about my friend Linda and her passion for "her" Kenya kids. That passion was something she could not keep contained. It had to flow out of every part of her. That passion became so much a part of her life that everyone around her started to grow passionate too. This reminds me of two things; first last Fall, Perry Noble, a church planter in South Carolina, wrote a blog about Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte, mmmmmm. Anyway, he is a regular at SB and he has his regular drink, however last Fall while traveling in and out of Atlanta Airport and stopping off at SB he kept hearing people talking about the Pumpkin Spice Latte and how great it was and wouldn't he like to try one. Everyone in front of him in line was ordering one and he had one of those conversations with himself, "sounds good, but I'm getting my regular. Man everyone is ordering that thing." Well he gets up to the front of the line and they ask him what he wants and as if posessed he says, "Pumpkin Spice Latte", and can't even believe it. Anyway he gets it, drinks it, and exclaims, "Oh My Dang, that's good!" The point is all of these people were very enthusiastic about this silly drink and they talk about it so much that it became contagious, "I think I need to try that". "I'll have what she's having!" What if we were that way about Jesus? What if we were that way about loving each other? What if we were so passionate about him that it was contagious and undeniable for others?
The other thing it reminds me of is Jeremiah 20:9, " But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot."

Get passionate about something and then let people get close to you!

Sowing the Seeds of Love...

What a journey! Tonight I had the awesome pleasure of meeting some incredible kids, the Daraja Children's Choir from Kenya. But first things first. There's the kids performing and there is Linda and I, BIG smiles! Some of you know Linda but for those of you who don't let me tell you just how much of a night of celebration this was. Linda became involved with the Youth at our church almost two years ago. While joining the kids on an annual retreat, "Big Stuf", Linda found out about Bright Point, an organization that sponsors children in some of the poorest of countries to provide water, education, and the gospel message. She also found out that some of them were in this choir. Linda came back from that trip absolutely passionate about Africa and these children. For quite awhile she was a one woman show, sharing her vision and talking about these kids. She sought to sponsor four, provide a well in Kenya, and eventually take a trip there. Linda was on fire! She did not take no for an answer. She persevered and she worked tirelessly. Linda had a vision and a passion and she turned to God again and again when things did not look like they were going to work. She trusted God and she reached out to those around her. Tonight was the culmination of all of that.



Marten and I fought tears off and on throughout the performance as did many others. My kids will never be the same after hearing some of their stories, seeing video of the village and the children's home where many of them live. Most are orphaned. So many lives were touched by these kids. But more than that, one woman truly made this happen! Thank you Linda for showing us all just how special these kids are. You are pretty special yourself!

Here we are Sunday night with our small group making preparations for the meal we shared tonight. Thanks Katlin, Samantha, Ansley, and Amanda! You guys are awesome! We missed you Lillie! While we chopped and cooked Linda shared our lesson from Matthew, the parable of the sower. We talked about the seed that is the Word of God, the soil which is our hearts, and the sower, our Father working through the Holy Spirit. I thought about how all of Linda's efforts and the uniting of so many to make this happen, and the kids, and their future. I thought about how all of us were God's instruments, sowing the seeds of love. For all of you that grew up in the 80's with me, yes I thought about the Tears for Fears song...It was a night I will never forget! Thank you sista Linda!

Matthew 13

23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."

It's all Greek to me...

So, I am taking my first of two semesters of Greek this semester and oh what a challenge! I am making all kinds of new wrinkles in this nearly forty year old brain of mine! Greek is an incredible language full of meaning. It is the original language of the New Testament and to read the words of Jesus in the original language brings depth and understanding that is frankly breathtaking! Along with all of this learning comes a return to our English language as well, subjects, predicates, tenses, and conjugations, interjections, nouns, verbs, etc. This all has made me think about some of the words and terminology we use as followers of Jesus. Some of the stuff we say and talk about must be absolutely foreign sounding to those who do not have a firm foundation in biblical teaching. As a result I think it important that we share our faith in ways that people can understand regardless of background. God is the greatest contextualizer of all time. When we didn't "get it" He came to earth in the form of a man so that we could. That is speaking the same language! The depth can come later. It is something that is best moved toward not jumped into.
Peace to you!

Fully Alive?

"The glory of God is man fully alive". I don't know when I first heard that but it resonated in a deep place within me. It was said by Early Church father Irenaeus, who lived in the late 2nd century, in his writings "Against Heresies, an argument largely against gnosticism. He was bishop of Lyons in what is now modern day France.
What does it mean to be "fully alive". I dare to say that, just like many of us are sleepwalking through life, many of us are far from "Fully alive". Do we let the world determine our steps or are our steps determined by something far bigger than what we see? Are we fully engaged in relationship with the people around us, or do we just do what we need to do to get through the day? Are we reaching out to others? Loving our neighbor? Heck, loving our family? Or are we doing the bare minimum? Where is the meaning? Remember the husband you prayed for? The child you longed to have? The parents that nutured and cared for you? Where are you in those relationships? I admit I am not winning any prizes, I try. I honestly have been so blessed with so many wonderful people in my life I often get frustrated with not getting enough interaction with each and every one of them! We can all do better. Ya, it takes time. But it is so worth it.
More than all of that, there is God, our Creator, who longs to be in relationship with us, so much so that He left His throne in Heaven to come to earth. I dare to say that in relationship with Him we can find all of the fuel we need to nurture those other relationships. More than anything, spend time with the lover of your soul. Read His word, pray, sing, sit and listen, and then with unveiled faces, shine His light into the world. When Moses left God's presence he had to veil his face because it shone. Our world could use all the light it can get. Be fully alive!

2 Corinthians 3:18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Failure...

Failure, it's a scary word, not one that I like to think about. Again this is something that comes loaded with meaning, different for each of us based on our experience and exposure to failure. Being a bit of a type A (I know some of you are laughing at that, stop!) I do not take failure well. I know this about myself. I want to do it all and do it well, right away if not sooner.

What God has taught me, and is still teaching this sometimes reluctant student, is that He did not create me to do it all or you to do it all and do it well. He created each of us for a specific purpose. We are each uniquely crafted, yet crafted in His image. His image can only be made complete when we come together with one another. What I lack you provide, what you lack I provide. Where I fail you succeed. Where you fail I succeed. God created us to live in community together, to need one another, and to reach out to one another to give and to receive. It is a prideful thing to think we can do it all and succeed at it all on our own, quite self-reliant rather than God reliant.

When we fail we can choose to feel beaten down and give up or we can choose to see it as a lesson learned, wisdom earned, and new perspective born, none of which is easy. I know. Hey remind of all of this the next time I fail ok?

Illness...

Illness...that's a loaded word. It comes with all kinds of perceptions and personal experiences, fears and anxieties. So what has God taught me through illness? I have been fortunate to be pretty healthy my whole life. I will never forget taking Ariana to the hospital when she was 10 weeks old. She had a high fever that wouldn't come down. Leaving the room on the doctor's request so that she could have a spinal tap was probably one of the hardest things I have had to do. Watching my grandmother waste away with cancer is a memory I would like to erase. Standing in the doctor's office with Marten in excrutiating pain, being told he was very sick and needed to be in the hospital is another one that I'd like to forget. Months later standing in his hospital room waiting and praying for him to get better and come home was hard too.
We are sooo fragile. We take our wonderfully made bodies so for granted. We take it for granted that they will be healthy. We take it for granted that our friends and loved ones will always be around, strong and present.
God has taught me through illness how better to relish each day that my eyes open, I draw breath, and my feet hit the floor. I have learned that health is not a given but a gift to be treasured. I have also learned that in those times when we do experience illness, our own, or another's God is near. He is near in the people who draw near, in those who pray, in the doctor's and the nurses, and in the quiet stillness. He is near when it seems no one else is.
God is the great healer. He heals in ways sometimes that we cannot comprehend or anticipate.
Sometimes a long fight, pain, waiting, hoping, praying culminates in death. For those of us who believe, this is the ultimate form of healing, when we get our resurrection bodies.

3 John 1
2Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.

Wahoo and Hallelujah!

And a big sigh of relief! It is official. I am now a certified candidate for ordained ministry. It has been a high emotion and anxiety filled week, but as always God has provided abundantly. Sunday went well. I even got a thumbs up from the one who keeps me most humble (Marten). God provided the message and God delivered the message because I don't even remember saying some of the things I said. If you would like to listen it is up on the church website.
http://www.snellvilleumc.org/templates/cussnellvilleumc/details.asp?id=31612&PID=388673#bottom
Check it out when you get a chance.
The girls are due home from school and I would love to take a nap due to the relief, and exhaustion, etc. but I am too excited to close my eyes! More later!
Thank you all for your prayers and support!

Just a bit angry....

Some of you may have read or heard about the magazine cover that is being kept behind counters at Lifeway Christian Stores. It must be requested in order to be seen or purchased. Doesn't sound like something you would find in a Christian store huh? It may as well be porn or have a brown paper wrapper on it, so it seems. What's the big to do? Female preachers. The magazine is Gospel Today and pictured on the cover are four female pastors! GASP! Don't get me wrong, those of you who know me know I am not a feminist by any means, but this makes me angry!
We had a module in one of my classes last semester on women in ministry and several views of it. Most of the time I felt like throwing the book across the room. What comes to mind for me is the early church and what were called the Donatists, who questioned the validity of Baptism and serving of the Eucharist by those who had less than stellar records during severe persecution. At the core of all of this is whether or not we believe that the power in these sacraments is that given by the Holy Spirit or that of a human. There is no one righteous, not one! We are all sinners who have fallen short of the glory of God. If God has called me through His Word and Spirit to preach His word and serve the Sacraments who is any man or woman to question that? It is by the power of the Spirit and not that of the means. Lest you go to any scriptural arguments against women and preaching, please consider the context, the culture, and the time. If you want to comment on something specifically I will be happy to entertain discussion. Anyone care to comment?

Lack of money...

It seems there is just never enough money. This has been a theme in my life. I remember as a young girl trying to help mom pinch pennies, eating fried baloney sandwiches and canned fruit for dinner. Lack of anything can make you go a little overboard when it suddenly becomes readily available. You know what I'm talking about? Ever give up caffeine or chocolate for Lent? Well then, you know what I mean. Anyway lack seems to make everything more lucid, more three dimensional in a sense, at least for me. During the year of Marten's first unemployment, and then part-time employment, we lacked a lot, BUT we gained so much! Those were hard times. It's hard to ask for help, ya know? Some people, bless them, gave it without ever being asked. Thank you! But there is something in the asking too. None of us is made to be self-reliant. Yes we should be responsible adults however it is God we should rely on. We weren't meant to do life alone. Lack reminds us that we can't. God provides for us in ways we sometimes do not see, like the people He puts around us. The lack of money meant more time at home, major simplification, more times just sitting and talking, great family time! I am grateful for Marten's job and the support it affords our family now and the means to give more generously to our church but in some ways I miss the life that seemed more real and more three dimensional.


Prayers please. The countdown has begun. I am preaching this Sunday for the first time at my home church. Please pray that God will provide the words by the power of His Holy Spirit, that I will proclaim them with confidence, and the message would fall on hungry ears! On Tuesday, September 23 I go before the District Committee on Ministry here in order to become a certified candidate for ordination. Please remember me on Tuesday. Most of all I need prayers for my nerves, God has taken care of the rest!
Bless you!

Still waiting...

Ok so in my last post I talked a lot about people and our expectations and waiting. A lot of the time I think we are waiting on God. God what are you doing? Where are you? What is taking so long? I am being obedient. I am stepping out in faith. What next, what next? Am I talking to anyone here? What I have learned in seemingly waiting on God may sound cliche but is true, God is seldom early, never late and always on time. HMMM...That is so hard to see when you are in the midst of waiting isn't it? If God has shown himself to you before in whatever ways big or little miraculous or mundane, REMEMBER it and REMEMBER it and REMEMBER it. BELIEVE it. Hold on to that. God is faithful! I am confident He is working. God is good. God is working out details that we can't fathom. If you are in the midst of this waiting, tell someone. Do not despair. We are here to help one another, love one another, and to bear one another's burdens. If you know someone who is despairing, share their burden, hear their prayers. Let them borrow a cup full of your faith until they can recover their own.

An aside, but a very exciting one, I am preaching at my home church this Sunday. It is an incredible privilege of which I feel unworthy, extremely humbled, and ecstatic! Upon getting the invitation I fell to my knees overcome and overwhelmed. Who am I? Who am I? How did I get here? By the grace of God alone, His call, and my desire to do nothing but say a bewildered "yes".

Waiting...

Between those expectations and disappointments often comes waiting. We humans have a hard time waiting on anything, especially in the west! We live in an instant society; microwave meals, instant credit, instant pudding, and instant messaging! We do not want to wait for anything. Women are induced into labor every day rather than wait for nature to run its course. We want what we want when we want it. This instantaneous culture encourages our illusion (delusion) of control. And so when we do have to wait it can be downright excrutiating. Such a feeling of helplessness. I know so many women who have waited for babies that never came, incredible people that have waited for healing that never came, couples that have waited for "things" to change and get better in their marraige, waiting, waiting, waiting. How do we persevere in this waiting? How do we hope in that? How do we get from helplessness to surrender to hope?

Hope is incredibly powerful. It can propel us through that helplessness to surrender only to rest in hope.
I hoped and prayed for a baby for years in seemingly impossible circumstances and God made a way. I have prayed for the salvation of others not believing it could happen half the time but knowing that God wants no one to be separated from Him.
I have learned in this waiting to be patient for God's timing, His answers (they are so much greater than mine), and to surrender, to lean on Him and the people He has surrounded me with because I am incapable of carrying the weight of this waiting on my own. I have learned that I will often not understand the purpose or bear the fruit of the waiting until some time has passed and His plan unfolds. I have learned that life lived with Him through this waiting sure is a lot better than trying to do it on my own. My faith muscles have grown and been toned. I trust Him.
Psalm 33:20We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield
Psalm 5:3In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

Disappointment...

So what has God taught me in disappointment? I don't mean to sound negative but I have been disappointed a lot. What I have learned as a result of that disappointment is priceless however. I have learned that God does not disappoint, ever. He is the constant, the steady. People on the other hand often disappoint. What I mean here is that we all develop expectations of one another and when those aren't met we are disappointed. I often like to think the best of people or make assumptions about their understanding of things and motivations. I think there is genuine hope in those expectations. I am often disappointed. So what is the answer? Should we not have high expectations of one another, of ourselves? That way we won't be disappointed right? A wise person once reminded me that people often rise to our expectations, so we should expect big things. I think about God's grace and His desire for a relationship with us and the lengths that he went to to get it. Don't you think He is expecting great things from us? Not to earn anything but because we are compelled to do great things for Him. God has taught me in my disappointment to persevere, to hope, and to have great expectations!

Romans 5:5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Sharing your life message...

I have this file that I have been collecting things in for the last year. It is stuffed with slips of paper, vitamin water labels, quotes that inspire me, journal entries ripped from my journal, quotes from scripture, well, you get the picture. One piece of paper shoved in there has Rick Warren's 2 cents on sharing your life message with some pretty soul bearing questions to ponder, so I thought why not, I'll bite. So that is what I will be working on these next couple of weeks.
A few things I know: People crave authenticity, transparency, and sincerity. I do. Don't you? I know it is a little scary but I think we owe it to each other. It is part of journeying together in life. That is what I want to be to all who know me. What I want everyone to see more than anything though is that I am who I am because of who He is and who He has made me and is still making me, a constant work in progress, struggling and straining to just let Him do His work in me. What I long for even more is for Him to work through me!
Some of the things I will be diving into: What God has taught me from failure, what God has taught me from a lack of money, what God has taught me from disappointment, what God has taught me through illness, and more. Stay tuned.

Feedback PLEASE!!!

What, no comments???? Come on ya'll. Tell me if you think I have it all wrong. Most of you reading this have taught me what I know by how you have lived your lives. You can tell me if you think I have it right too. Comment!

Oh ya and while you are at it I am working on something and would love to hear what "Commitment" means to you. TALK TO ME!!!!

Talk amongst yourselves

Remember that character played by Mike Myers on Saturday Night Live, who was, Linda...? on "Coffee Talk" ?
I was talking with Sierra, my 5 year old today. She was telling me about her new boyfriend at school. She said he was real nice and that he had sung a song to her...sounded kind of punk when she tried to relive it for me. Anyway, I asked her what I usually I ask her and her sister when they tell me about a new friend, "Does he/she love Jesus?" She assured me that he did so I asked, "how do you know, have you talked about him?" She replied, "no." So I said, "then how do you know" and she insisted that she just knew. Maybe so. I reminded her that we all talk a lot about the things that we love, mom, dad, sissy, our dog Karma, food, friends, favorite movies and shows, etc. so why not Jesus? If we love him we should be talking about him too. That's a great way for people to know who we love and for us to know who others love.
Why are people afraid to talk about Jesus/God in this country? What is the best way to walk into a room and clear it? Start talking about God. I found this to be quite the contrary in the Middle East. It was easy to talk to anyone about God. Everyone was eager to talk about God. Interesting...
HEY! Talk amongst yourselves!

God's will and our purpose...

So, I mentioned purpose and the will of God in one of my last few posts. Again, God has given us choices, we are free in Christ, he who the Son has set free is free indeed! But what does that mean? Some of us get so caught up in the hunt for God's will that we are paralyzed to act and then what is the point of all of that hunting if it is in vain? If we base our choices on the crisis of the day or the flavor of the month or the circumstances that seem to be presenting themself what is non-negotiable about us? If God's will changes for you from one day to the next I would venture to say it is not God's will folks! It's yours! God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow....
What direction are you headed in? Or are you zigzagging around in the desert? None of us likes to be uncomfortable or step out of that comfort zone, but that comfort zone can be your captivity, what is stepping out in faith? What is faith? The fear of the Israelites in the desert cost them a chance to live in the Promised Land, when Joshua were assuring them that God had promised and God would provide.
If we are stepping toward God and the all encompassing purposes He has given His people, made evident through His Word both written and in the person and work of Christ, trusting he will right our steps when we do misstep, bravo! That's it. Seems simple huh? Well yes and no. The problem for most of us is, as Pete Greig writes in The Vision and The Vow, not that we don't know what God wants of us. It's that we know exactly what He wants of us, and it's not what we want to do!" We are all made of the same moral fiber. We know basic right from wrong but we have covered up the moral compass that God created within each of us with the junk and the illusions of the fallen world we live in. Like Neo in The Matrix we are confused as to what is real and what is not. What dimension are you living in?
So many people are afraid to make that first choice because it might cost them something. They're right, it will cost their lives. That is the price of discipleship. It is a high price to pay but we were all bought with the blood of Jesus Christ. We need to live like that. St. Augustine prayed, "Give me chastity and self-control, but not yet." Step off the cliff...
Fall into His waiting arms...
Then soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and do not faint!
People disappoint, but God keeps His promises!

Confession Time

Ok, I have a confession to make...I am scared of teenagers! Well, I have been hesitant to be involved with the Youth at church because, well, I didn't do being a teenager real well. Don't get me wrong, I was a great student, graduated in the top 10 % of my class, was on Homecoming Court, the dance line, all of that stuff. I looked pretty good on the outside. On the inside I was a mess. What I saw at church, when I went, was either kids I knew from school that were total hypocrites, or an expectation of perfection that I knew I could never meet. I do not recall anyone ever telling me I didn't have to be perfect because Jesus was perfect for me. Inside I was a mess of contradictions. Anyway, what I know to be true is that (1) God can use anyone, even me, (2) That our God is in the business of redemption, He can redeem any experience we have had and use it to His glory, (3) Fear is not from God it is from our adversary. That being said, I have given in to my wonderful friend Linda who has a wonderful heart for young people, and has been urging me to get involved with them at our church for the last year. For those of you who have heard me preach to you or someone else about getting uncomfortable because that is when we grow the most, I can say I am sufficiently uncomfortable! I am also expecting great things out of all of this discomfort! Thank God that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength!

Labels, Determination, and Courage.

So, more on labels. I am pondering the fact that I have spent years trying to figure out who I was when what I really needed to know was who I am in Christ. No one else should define who I am or my worth. This is what I know is true...I am a precious child of God, so are you! He created me, "knit me together in my mother's womb". He has a purpose and plan for me. He is all I need, to know who I am. Know Him, know myself.
I heard these great sermons on determination and courage the other day. We all are determined about one thing or another, right? Maybe it's living up to that label or maybe living in a way that fights against that label. Anyway many of us spend a lot of time trying to figure out that very wonderful purpose and plan God has for us and His will for us like it is a paint by number kind of thing. Not so! God did create us with choices, however IF we are constantly seeking HIM and IF we are determined to be a godly man or woman then it follows that the choices we make daily should fall in line with that goal in mind.
Paul says in Phillipians 3:12-13, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,".
I remember a conversation I had with my beloved friend MaryAnn in the midst of discerning how to proceed in obedience to God's call to full time ministry and seminary. I was so fearful of making the wrong decision, especially in light of the fact that Marten was jobless at the time and facing major surgery. She very lovingly told me, "Sweet girl you can't make the wrong decision if you are seeking Him with your life." Such incredible wisdom! Thank you MaryAnn!
The courage comes in when we go against what the world tells us about ourselves. Believe me I never imagined being where I am right now and yet because He called, I feel helpless to do anything but be obedient, so ya I do feel a bit courageous at times. Other times I feel a little bit crazy.
One of my favorities...2 Corinthians 5:13 "If we are out of our mind it is for the sake of God, if we are in our right mind it is for you."

Labels

Mom, Chef, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Christian, Friend, Chauffer, Fat, Thin, Tall, Short, Saved, Believer, Christ follower, Pastor, Reverend, President, Vice President, Muslim, Jew....the list goes on. Labels. We all call ourselves something or let others tell us who we are. Why? Often those labels can create the very barriers I eluded to earlier. A very poignant piece of what I have learned in the last year is just that. Particularly when trying to relate and reach those unlike ourselves those labels can be intimidating, but they can also come loaded with all kinds of baggage and preconceived ideas and notions due to previous experience or broad sweeping generalizations.
For instance in reaching others who don't know Jesus calling yourself a Christian comes loaded! Don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting there is any other way into the Kingdom. What I am suggesting is that instead of that label we think of ourselves instead as Christ followers, disciples, believers. Guess what? Jesus wasn't a Christian! The word Christian itself means little Christ. That is ultimately what we are all called to be as his followers, living our own lives in accordance with his. He is the model. More to come...
Join me in the global initiative to pray for Muslims for 30 days through Ramadan by accessing the link . Broaden your worldview there is a lot of great info here!
http://www.30daysfire.net/pgs/Main.php?INTRO=PLAY

Ready?

By the way...I saw a big canvas sign posted outside the Jewish Community Center today. It said, "Breaking Barriers Daily". Hmmmm. How about that!
Yesterday was CRAZY! I got a call late Sunday night from a real estate agent about showing the house Monday. Weary as I am of this after having the house on the market over a year and just losing a contract, I slipped into high speed making a plan for Monday morning cleaning. Unfortunately the yard needed to be mowed and cleaned up with all of the storms lately. We needed to put our best foot forward! Also quite unfortunate for me was the fact that my hubby had to be at work at 6AM so it was all up to me. As I was mowing feverishly I thought about how this could have been prevented if I hadn't been a slacker about the yard and had made the girls pick up after themselves better, but there I was. It brought to mind our relationship with God too. How many of us put stuff off. We let our calendar fill up with appointments, lunches, meetings, where is God in all that? Maybe you are pretty disciplined in your spiritual life and take time daily to pray, study, and praise God, but like me have slid a bit over the summer. I think I need to do a better job putting my best foot forward in my relationship with Him! How can you grow in likeness to someone with whom you do not relate with daily, several times a day? It also brought to mind this scripture from Matthew 25...let me be wise! And thank God for His grace!
1"At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2Five of them were foolish and five were wise. 3The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them.

Barriers to peace.

So, more about those barriers. While we were in Jordan we were in a Souk, a market, where local merchants sell their assorted handcrafts. We came to one booth where a girl, probably in her mid twenties, stood with her sister. Both were wearing Hijabs (the wrapped head covering), one was dressed in western clothes, the other dressed more traditionally. We asked her some questions about herself and what she was selling. They were selling handmade bookmarks and small pouches, one contained a small ornate Quran. The girls I was with and I admired the Quran and said we had been studying it. The girl was intrigued and asked where we were from. We told her we were Americans and that we were followers of Isa (Jesus) and we started talking about how we all believed in the One God. She took her sunglasses off and said, "You are good Americans." She had tears in her eyes and was very visibly moved.
The biggest part of breaking down barriers is simply taking the time to show people who you are and to care enough to find out who they are. Everyone wants someone to care enough to ask. Even here in our country amongst people that look like us and speak the same language, the act of truly engaging in relationship with someone in order to better understand them and they us makes all the difference. Don't you think she had a different idea about Americans having had that 10 minute interaction with us? Don't you think we had a different idea about Arabs? This scenario, I am happy to say, repeated itself many times and in many ways during our time there. Another reason why these trips are important.
I can relate this at home in a few ways. But on example sticks out, the difference here is between inviting someone to church and first inviting someone to your home to get to know them and THEN inviting them to church. What do you think?

Blessed are the peacemakers...

Ok, so, we just returned from a mission event at church, people sharing experiences, and stories about trips both local and foreign. I have to say I was encouraged by those who were there but disappointed by the overall turnout. Most of you know I went to Jordan this summer, it was my second foreign mission trip. The wonderful thing about going on one of these trips is that in the great economy of God, while we are reaching out to others, God is soooo working on us. You can't return from one of these trips, local or foreign and not be changed. The great thing about the foreign trips is how much your eyes are opened and your worldview is broadened. Let's face it folks, Jesus died for all of us, including people that don't much look like us or live the way we do or believe the same things we do. What I do know is that we all, no matter what we look like or where we live have a God shaped hole we are trying to fill...more about that later. Anyway before I went on this trip to Jordan I was studying the book of Matthew and landed in the Beatitudes, you know where Jesus is giving his Sermon on the Mount and saying, "Blessed are the..." I got to "blessed are the peacemakers" and stopped. What is a peacemaker? What did Jesus mean? What kind of peace are we talking about? I found myself in Ephesians chapter 2 verses, I think 14 to 16 or 17. Basically this says that Jesus is our peace, that he has broken down the barriers, that he has reconciled all to God through the cross. Therefore bringing Jesus to others is what peacemaking is all about! Breaking down barriers, ours and theirs, is what peacemaking is all about. That is what these trips are all about!

Are you sleeping, are you sleeping...?

Have you ever woken up and forgotten where you were or what day it was? A little disconcerting huh? Maybe you were dreaming a great dream only to be roused by the alarm, ARGH! It takes a minute to realize what is real and what is not. I guess that is kind of what this is all about, me starting this blog, discovering the truth, what is real and what is not. For the greater part of my life I walked around in the semi-slumber of delusion and self-reliance only to be awakened by a VERY bright light, ummmm maybe you know him, his name is Jesus. That wake up call many years ago has led me many places but most notably to the arms of my Savior. He has shone his light in some pretty dark places and he hasn't even gotten to the corners and closets yet! So much to reveal, so much to learn, so much cleaning up to do! Sooooo, in walking with the Godman into those dark corners I thought I would record what He is teaching me so that He might wake me up inside and that He might use me to wake up others!

for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." Ephesians 5:14