Failure...

Failure, it's a scary word, not one that I like to think about. Again this is something that comes loaded with meaning, different for each of us based on our experience and exposure to failure. Being a bit of a type A (I know some of you are laughing at that, stop!) I do not take failure well. I know this about myself. I want to do it all and do it well, right away if not sooner.

What God has taught me, and is still teaching this sometimes reluctant student, is that He did not create me to do it all or you to do it all and do it well. He created each of us for a specific purpose. We are each uniquely crafted, yet crafted in His image. His image can only be made complete when we come together with one another. What I lack you provide, what you lack I provide. Where I fail you succeed. Where you fail I succeed. God created us to live in community together, to need one another, and to reach out to one another to give and to receive. It is a prideful thing to think we can do it all and succeed at it all on our own, quite self-reliant rather than God reliant.

When we fail we can choose to feel beaten down and give up or we can choose to see it as a lesson learned, wisdom earned, and new perspective born, none of which is easy. I know. Hey remind of all of this the next time I fail ok?

Illness...

Illness...that's a loaded word. It comes with all kinds of perceptions and personal experiences, fears and anxieties. So what has God taught me through illness? I have been fortunate to be pretty healthy my whole life. I will never forget taking Ariana to the hospital when she was 10 weeks old. She had a high fever that wouldn't come down. Leaving the room on the doctor's request so that she could have a spinal tap was probably one of the hardest things I have had to do. Watching my grandmother waste away with cancer is a memory I would like to erase. Standing in the doctor's office with Marten in excrutiating pain, being told he was very sick and needed to be in the hospital is another one that I'd like to forget. Months later standing in his hospital room waiting and praying for him to get better and come home was hard too.
We are sooo fragile. We take our wonderfully made bodies so for granted. We take it for granted that they will be healthy. We take it for granted that our friends and loved ones will always be around, strong and present.
God has taught me through illness how better to relish each day that my eyes open, I draw breath, and my feet hit the floor. I have learned that health is not a given but a gift to be treasured. I have also learned that in those times when we do experience illness, our own, or another's God is near. He is near in the people who draw near, in those who pray, in the doctor's and the nurses, and in the quiet stillness. He is near when it seems no one else is.
God is the great healer. He heals in ways sometimes that we cannot comprehend or anticipate.
Sometimes a long fight, pain, waiting, hoping, praying culminates in death. For those of us who believe, this is the ultimate form of healing, when we get our resurrection bodies.

3 John 1
2Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.

Wahoo and Hallelujah!

And a big sigh of relief! It is official. I am now a certified candidate for ordained ministry. It has been a high emotion and anxiety filled week, but as always God has provided abundantly. Sunday went well. I even got a thumbs up from the one who keeps me most humble (Marten). God provided the message and God delivered the message because I don't even remember saying some of the things I said. If you would like to listen it is up on the church website.
http://www.snellvilleumc.org/templates/cussnellvilleumc/details.asp?id=31612&PID=388673#bottom
Check it out when you get a chance.
The girls are due home from school and I would love to take a nap due to the relief, and exhaustion, etc. but I am too excited to close my eyes! More later!
Thank you all for your prayers and support!

Just a bit angry....

Some of you may have read or heard about the magazine cover that is being kept behind counters at Lifeway Christian Stores. It must be requested in order to be seen or purchased. Doesn't sound like something you would find in a Christian store huh? It may as well be porn or have a brown paper wrapper on it, so it seems. What's the big to do? Female preachers. The magazine is Gospel Today and pictured on the cover are four female pastors! GASP! Don't get me wrong, those of you who know me know I am not a feminist by any means, but this makes me angry!
We had a module in one of my classes last semester on women in ministry and several views of it. Most of the time I felt like throwing the book across the room. What comes to mind for me is the early church and what were called the Donatists, who questioned the validity of Baptism and serving of the Eucharist by those who had less than stellar records during severe persecution. At the core of all of this is whether or not we believe that the power in these sacraments is that given by the Holy Spirit or that of a human. There is no one righteous, not one! We are all sinners who have fallen short of the glory of God. If God has called me through His Word and Spirit to preach His word and serve the Sacraments who is any man or woman to question that? It is by the power of the Spirit and not that of the means. Lest you go to any scriptural arguments against women and preaching, please consider the context, the culture, and the time. If you want to comment on something specifically I will be happy to entertain discussion. Anyone care to comment?

Lack of money...

It seems there is just never enough money. This has been a theme in my life. I remember as a young girl trying to help mom pinch pennies, eating fried baloney sandwiches and canned fruit for dinner. Lack of anything can make you go a little overboard when it suddenly becomes readily available. You know what I'm talking about? Ever give up caffeine or chocolate for Lent? Well then, you know what I mean. Anyway lack seems to make everything more lucid, more three dimensional in a sense, at least for me. During the year of Marten's first unemployment, and then part-time employment, we lacked a lot, BUT we gained so much! Those were hard times. It's hard to ask for help, ya know? Some people, bless them, gave it without ever being asked. Thank you! But there is something in the asking too. None of us is made to be self-reliant. Yes we should be responsible adults however it is God we should rely on. We weren't meant to do life alone. Lack reminds us that we can't. God provides for us in ways we sometimes do not see, like the people He puts around us. The lack of money meant more time at home, major simplification, more times just sitting and talking, great family time! I am grateful for Marten's job and the support it affords our family now and the means to give more generously to our church but in some ways I miss the life that seemed more real and more three dimensional.


Prayers please. The countdown has begun. I am preaching this Sunday for the first time at my home church. Please pray that God will provide the words by the power of His Holy Spirit, that I will proclaim them with confidence, and the message would fall on hungry ears! On Tuesday, September 23 I go before the District Committee on Ministry here in order to become a certified candidate for ordination. Please remember me on Tuesday. Most of all I need prayers for my nerves, God has taken care of the rest!
Bless you!

Still waiting...

Ok so in my last post I talked a lot about people and our expectations and waiting. A lot of the time I think we are waiting on God. God what are you doing? Where are you? What is taking so long? I am being obedient. I am stepping out in faith. What next, what next? Am I talking to anyone here? What I have learned in seemingly waiting on God may sound cliche but is true, God is seldom early, never late and always on time. HMMM...That is so hard to see when you are in the midst of waiting isn't it? If God has shown himself to you before in whatever ways big or little miraculous or mundane, REMEMBER it and REMEMBER it and REMEMBER it. BELIEVE it. Hold on to that. God is faithful! I am confident He is working. God is good. God is working out details that we can't fathom. If you are in the midst of this waiting, tell someone. Do not despair. We are here to help one another, love one another, and to bear one another's burdens. If you know someone who is despairing, share their burden, hear their prayers. Let them borrow a cup full of your faith until they can recover their own.

An aside, but a very exciting one, I am preaching at my home church this Sunday. It is an incredible privilege of which I feel unworthy, extremely humbled, and ecstatic! Upon getting the invitation I fell to my knees overcome and overwhelmed. Who am I? Who am I? How did I get here? By the grace of God alone, His call, and my desire to do nothing but say a bewildered "yes".

Waiting...

Between those expectations and disappointments often comes waiting. We humans have a hard time waiting on anything, especially in the west! We live in an instant society; microwave meals, instant credit, instant pudding, and instant messaging! We do not want to wait for anything. Women are induced into labor every day rather than wait for nature to run its course. We want what we want when we want it. This instantaneous culture encourages our illusion (delusion) of control. And so when we do have to wait it can be downright excrutiating. Such a feeling of helplessness. I know so many women who have waited for babies that never came, incredible people that have waited for healing that never came, couples that have waited for "things" to change and get better in their marraige, waiting, waiting, waiting. How do we persevere in this waiting? How do we hope in that? How do we get from helplessness to surrender to hope?

Hope is incredibly powerful. It can propel us through that helplessness to surrender only to rest in hope.
I hoped and prayed for a baby for years in seemingly impossible circumstances and God made a way. I have prayed for the salvation of others not believing it could happen half the time but knowing that God wants no one to be separated from Him.
I have learned in this waiting to be patient for God's timing, His answers (they are so much greater than mine), and to surrender, to lean on Him and the people He has surrounded me with because I am incapable of carrying the weight of this waiting on my own. I have learned that I will often not understand the purpose or bear the fruit of the waiting until some time has passed and His plan unfolds. I have learned that life lived with Him through this waiting sure is a lot better than trying to do it on my own. My faith muscles have grown and been toned. I trust Him.
Psalm 33:20We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield
Psalm 5:3In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

Disappointment...

So what has God taught me in disappointment? I don't mean to sound negative but I have been disappointed a lot. What I have learned as a result of that disappointment is priceless however. I have learned that God does not disappoint, ever. He is the constant, the steady. People on the other hand often disappoint. What I mean here is that we all develop expectations of one another and when those aren't met we are disappointed. I often like to think the best of people or make assumptions about their understanding of things and motivations. I think there is genuine hope in those expectations. I am often disappointed. So what is the answer? Should we not have high expectations of one another, of ourselves? That way we won't be disappointed right? A wise person once reminded me that people often rise to our expectations, so we should expect big things. I think about God's grace and His desire for a relationship with us and the lengths that he went to to get it. Don't you think He is expecting great things from us? Not to earn anything but because we are compelled to do great things for Him. God has taught me in my disappointment to persevere, to hope, and to have great expectations!

Romans 5:5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Sharing your life message...

I have this file that I have been collecting things in for the last year. It is stuffed with slips of paper, vitamin water labels, quotes that inspire me, journal entries ripped from my journal, quotes from scripture, well, you get the picture. One piece of paper shoved in there has Rick Warren's 2 cents on sharing your life message with some pretty soul bearing questions to ponder, so I thought why not, I'll bite. So that is what I will be working on these next couple of weeks.
A few things I know: People crave authenticity, transparency, and sincerity. I do. Don't you? I know it is a little scary but I think we owe it to each other. It is part of journeying together in life. That is what I want to be to all who know me. What I want everyone to see more than anything though is that I am who I am because of who He is and who He has made me and is still making me, a constant work in progress, struggling and straining to just let Him do His work in me. What I long for even more is for Him to work through me!
Some of the things I will be diving into: What God has taught me from failure, what God has taught me from a lack of money, what God has taught me from disappointment, what God has taught me through illness, and more. Stay tuned.

Feedback PLEASE!!!

What, no comments???? Come on ya'll. Tell me if you think I have it all wrong. Most of you reading this have taught me what I know by how you have lived your lives. You can tell me if you think I have it right too. Comment!

Oh ya and while you are at it I am working on something and would love to hear what "Commitment" means to you. TALK TO ME!!!!

Talk amongst yourselves

Remember that character played by Mike Myers on Saturday Night Live, who was, Linda...? on "Coffee Talk" ?
I was talking with Sierra, my 5 year old today. She was telling me about her new boyfriend at school. She said he was real nice and that he had sung a song to her...sounded kind of punk when she tried to relive it for me. Anyway, I asked her what I usually I ask her and her sister when they tell me about a new friend, "Does he/she love Jesus?" She assured me that he did so I asked, "how do you know, have you talked about him?" She replied, "no." So I said, "then how do you know" and she insisted that she just knew. Maybe so. I reminded her that we all talk a lot about the things that we love, mom, dad, sissy, our dog Karma, food, friends, favorite movies and shows, etc. so why not Jesus? If we love him we should be talking about him too. That's a great way for people to know who we love and for us to know who others love.
Why are people afraid to talk about Jesus/God in this country? What is the best way to walk into a room and clear it? Start talking about God. I found this to be quite the contrary in the Middle East. It was easy to talk to anyone about God. Everyone was eager to talk about God. Interesting...
HEY! Talk amongst yourselves!

God's will and our purpose...

So, I mentioned purpose and the will of God in one of my last few posts. Again, God has given us choices, we are free in Christ, he who the Son has set free is free indeed! But what does that mean? Some of us get so caught up in the hunt for God's will that we are paralyzed to act and then what is the point of all of that hunting if it is in vain? If we base our choices on the crisis of the day or the flavor of the month or the circumstances that seem to be presenting themself what is non-negotiable about us? If God's will changes for you from one day to the next I would venture to say it is not God's will folks! It's yours! God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow....
What direction are you headed in? Or are you zigzagging around in the desert? None of us likes to be uncomfortable or step out of that comfort zone, but that comfort zone can be your captivity, what is stepping out in faith? What is faith? The fear of the Israelites in the desert cost them a chance to live in the Promised Land, when Joshua were assuring them that God had promised and God would provide.
If we are stepping toward God and the all encompassing purposes He has given His people, made evident through His Word both written and in the person and work of Christ, trusting he will right our steps when we do misstep, bravo! That's it. Seems simple huh? Well yes and no. The problem for most of us is, as Pete Greig writes in The Vision and The Vow, not that we don't know what God wants of us. It's that we know exactly what He wants of us, and it's not what we want to do!" We are all made of the same moral fiber. We know basic right from wrong but we have covered up the moral compass that God created within each of us with the junk and the illusions of the fallen world we live in. Like Neo in The Matrix we are confused as to what is real and what is not. What dimension are you living in?
So many people are afraid to make that first choice because it might cost them something. They're right, it will cost their lives. That is the price of discipleship. It is a high price to pay but we were all bought with the blood of Jesus Christ. We need to live like that. St. Augustine prayed, "Give me chastity and self-control, but not yet." Step off the cliff...
Fall into His waiting arms...
Then soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and do not faint!
People disappoint, but God keeps His promises!

Confession Time

Ok, I have a confession to make...I am scared of teenagers! Well, I have been hesitant to be involved with the Youth at church because, well, I didn't do being a teenager real well. Don't get me wrong, I was a great student, graduated in the top 10 % of my class, was on Homecoming Court, the dance line, all of that stuff. I looked pretty good on the outside. On the inside I was a mess. What I saw at church, when I went, was either kids I knew from school that were total hypocrites, or an expectation of perfection that I knew I could never meet. I do not recall anyone ever telling me I didn't have to be perfect because Jesus was perfect for me. Inside I was a mess of contradictions. Anyway, what I know to be true is that (1) God can use anyone, even me, (2) That our God is in the business of redemption, He can redeem any experience we have had and use it to His glory, (3) Fear is not from God it is from our adversary. That being said, I have given in to my wonderful friend Linda who has a wonderful heart for young people, and has been urging me to get involved with them at our church for the last year. For those of you who have heard me preach to you or someone else about getting uncomfortable because that is when we grow the most, I can say I am sufficiently uncomfortable! I am also expecting great things out of all of this discomfort! Thank God that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength!