From time to time my 10 year old will ask me to pull on her arms and legs because they ache and the pulling brings temporary relief. She is growing like crazy and I keep looking at her and thinking to myself "she is looking less and less like a little girl and I don't like it!" Needless to say she will go through some awkward stages. I wince to remember the same time in my life. I was just starting to wear glasses and soon thereafter braces. I was all arms and legs, very scrawny. Anyway all this to say I am feeling some growing pains of my own.
I told someone recently that I feel in a way like I am going through adolescence and young adulthood all over again. This journey that I am on is very rewarding but I'm not gonna lie, it's hard. See what I am doing is not anything I ever thought I would be doing. Honestly it was not even close to being on my radar. Now the trajectory of my life has changed dramatically. Honestly this is all hard for some people to understand. It's not something I chose, I'm just trying to be obedient to what I know God has asked me to do. It is not comfortable, easy, or natural for me. It is quite uncomfortable really. I am constantly trying to figure out who I am and what is next. It's disconcerting. I'm having a bit of an identity crisis I guess, some growing pains.
What I do know is this: God knows who He called. My creator knows me better than I know myself. God equips the called. With God all things are possible. I am a new creation that is for sure but sometimes I feel like I don't even know myself anymore. I am kind of hoping this is my awkward phase and that I am grwoing out of my awkward phase. At the back of my mind (and heart) constantly is that I want to be the best for God. I want to live an extraordinary life for Him. I guess I am trying to find times of temporary relief from these growing pains, pulling on my arms and legs won't do. I just keep looking up for answers and looking in the mirror for my reflection and not recognizing what I see.
4 comments:
You put this so well. I was thinking the same thing the just a day or two ago. I wish Father would pull on my arms and legs and give me a little relief sometimes but I know the pains are part of the process and I should be happy to have them.
It is so hard to make people understand the "called" part of all this and how we would love to take the easier path but we love more being obedient to Father whom we love more than all else.
Although I'm not growing as "fast" as you I totally feel the same way. I haven't been called to do what you are doing but have been called to do other things and to get out of my comfort zone and get outside of my own fears scares me but I know that I am doing what God has willed me to do. You are not alone Heather - maybe there are a bunch of us in this awkward stage.
This was really good. What you wrote really hit home to me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Rosebud,
You were not gangly! You were frail and small. Your Growing pains are timely, almost overnight. You are growing in God's eyes and ways. Ahhhh, there is so much more to come, and you are such a blessing. Growth is painful and beautiful. :)
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