Tomorrow is the first Sunday in Advent, the season of preparation leading up to Christmas. I have spent the last 3 and 1/2 years in my own season of preparation in seminary and in two short weeks I will be done. (Yahoo) It has been a ridiculous ride. I am amazed at what God has done, nothing short of miraculous. I honestly still can't fully grasp why He invited me on this journey, except to say I asked for Him to use me daily and this is what He called me to do.
I have grown to know myself far better over these years because I have grown to know my Creator far better, and who knows me better than that? I have come to more fully understand how faithful our God is and how much He loves us because I have come to the absolute end of myself over and over. Time and again when I have felt inadequate and incapable God has showed up in amazing ways. I long to tell everyone what I know about God. His goodness is so great that it bubbles up inside me to the point I feel my heart might break. Where do I even begin? How? I know how, I do, but it is so incredibly overwhelming.
I don't know that I will ever be fully "prepared" but I do know I serve a God that blesses obedience, not in ways I would imagine but in ways that are far greater.
I may ramble, but as Paul says in his second letter to the Corinthians, if I am out of my mind it is for the sake of God and if I am in my right mind it is for you.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Permission to Speak Freely
Author Anne Jackson wrote a book by the same name as my title after posting something on her own blog about confession and transparency. Her beef was much the same as my own. The church is supposed to be a place that ministers to the most broken people right? I mean the church is the Body of Christ and Christ's living example was one that was regularly among the sinners, the tax collectors, the prostitutes,the blind, the deaf, the sick, the lame. The church should be a place where we call it like it is, where we can let our guard down, and love each other just like God loves us.
What are you afraid to say in church? Who are you afraid to be? I heard someone say recently that we make our Sunday worship and our small group meetings like the Christian Prom. We all dress up and have our nicest manners and exchange the usual pleasantries, but are we real, vulnerable, human beings? See if we continue to perpetuate the myth that we are these people that have it all together without a care in the world then those who would never darken the door won't. They have some misconstrued idea that they have to have it all together to be a part of such a community of people. In fact if we are each transparent about our own brokenness, frailties, temptations, other real people might want to be a part of that, but it starts with us. Someone has to go first. I confess my own ideas about who I had to be and how I had to be kept me away from any church for a long time. I thought I had to be a certain way, know the books of the Bible and where to find them, recite the Apostles Creed from memory, wear certain clothes....no wonder people don't want to come to church. Is that what it is all about?
The good news is we can all be real with each other, phew what a relief, and have the assurance that because we call Jesus Lord all that junk doesn't matter, whether it happened years ago or you are still struggling today. We can come to Jesus and come together and find real healing, and redemption, and restoration. We are all in process, in life, and relationships, in growing closer to God,in becoming a new creation because of what God has done through Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit.
So, who's going first?
What are you afraid to say in church? Who are you afraid to be? I heard someone say recently that we make our Sunday worship and our small group meetings like the Christian Prom. We all dress up and have our nicest manners and exchange the usual pleasantries, but are we real, vulnerable, human beings? See if we continue to perpetuate the myth that we are these people that have it all together without a care in the world then those who would never darken the door won't. They have some misconstrued idea that they have to have it all together to be a part of such a community of people. In fact if we are each transparent about our own brokenness, frailties, temptations, other real people might want to be a part of that, but it starts with us. Someone has to go first. I confess my own ideas about who I had to be and how I had to be kept me away from any church for a long time. I thought I had to be a certain way, know the books of the Bible and where to find them, recite the Apostles Creed from memory, wear certain clothes....no wonder people don't want to come to church. Is that what it is all about?
The good news is we can all be real with each other, phew what a relief, and have the assurance that because we call Jesus Lord all that junk doesn't matter, whether it happened years ago or you are still struggling today. We can come to Jesus and come together and find real healing, and redemption, and restoration. We are all in process, in life, and relationships, in growing closer to God,in becoming a new creation because of what God has done through Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit.
So, who's going first?
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
God loves...
I had one of those moments today, you know the kind when you finally get something? God is so amazing the way He teaches us things, but we have to be tuned in to be taught, our ear has got to be inclined to hear. I confess I have been moving at a pace that I do not wish to maintain and at times it is a detriment to that hearing. Though my morning meetings with God are being kept, many days have a way of escaping me before I remember to breathe deeply.
There are so many people in my life that deserve more of my time, me included :) but I was thinking of one in particular today. She kind of flies under the radar. I'm not sure if she really doesn't want to be known or if she is in fear of some sort of judgment for who she is. I know things about her she probably doesn't realize that I know while I am certain others in her life don't know. I used to fear that if "they" found out they might judge, and I would quell this fear with the thought that if they spent enough time with her they would love her so much that even if she was completely exposed, it wouldn't matter. I caught myself here, because I have made my own judgments and came to the DUH! conclusion, that God knows every hair on her head, He knows everything about her, and still He loves, He loves. Nothing can separate us from that love. Nothing.
Romans 8:38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Amen, thank you Jesus!
There are so many people in my life that deserve more of my time, me included :) but I was thinking of one in particular today. She kind of flies under the radar. I'm not sure if she really doesn't want to be known or if she is in fear of some sort of judgment for who she is. I know things about her she probably doesn't realize that I know while I am certain others in her life don't know. I used to fear that if "they" found out they might judge, and I would quell this fear with the thought that if they spent enough time with her they would love her so much that even if she was completely exposed, it wouldn't matter. I caught myself here, because I have made my own judgments and came to the DUH! conclusion, that God knows every hair on her head, He knows everything about her, and still He loves, He loves. Nothing can separate us from that love. Nothing.
Romans 8:38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Amen, thank you Jesus!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
My Heart
Why am I doing what I am doing? Why when I have a degree in Mass Communications, experience managing and leading people from twice my age to half my age, a culinary arts degree and great paying job where I can set my own hours, two kids, more than enough to keep me busy, why am I in seminary? Why am I pastoring a church with as many opportunities as challenges? Why?
The biggest reason is my love for Jesus and the life I am afforded because of his life, death, and resurrection. See I spent the greater part of my life so caught up in the world I saw around me and all it told me about who I was and what I was worth and what I should value. Then I met Jesus and all that got turned upside down. Don't get me wrong, I went to church. I had heard about Jesus, but it wasn't until I was 30 years old that I had an encounter with Jesus. I wonder how many people are sitting in churches every week that still don't know who Jesus is. that grieves me.
I found out that what God saw in me was far different from the world. He calls me his precious child and has shown me who I really am. Who better to do that than my creator? Because of God's love for me I have been set free from all of that stuff that kept me believing I had to work to be good enough. Everything I do is just a response to that. Everything I do is about showing and telling others about that freedom and about that love and grace.
At the end of the day I have to say I am doing what I am doing because God called and I answered. I could never have gotten to where I am on this journey without that call. I would never have signed up for this path, BUT it is pretty awesome to commune with the creator, to hear and be heard, to be called, and to respond. I want everyone to know that such a relationship is possible for them. I know it sounds crazy right? I know God, we talk, daily. He hears me when I pray. How awesome is that?
The biggest reason is my love for Jesus and the life I am afforded because of his life, death, and resurrection. See I spent the greater part of my life so caught up in the world I saw around me and all it told me about who I was and what I was worth and what I should value. Then I met Jesus and all that got turned upside down. Don't get me wrong, I went to church. I had heard about Jesus, but it wasn't until I was 30 years old that I had an encounter with Jesus. I wonder how many people are sitting in churches every week that still don't know who Jesus is. that grieves me.
I found out that what God saw in me was far different from the world. He calls me his precious child and has shown me who I really am. Who better to do that than my creator? Because of God's love for me I have been set free from all of that stuff that kept me believing I had to work to be good enough. Everything I do is just a response to that. Everything I do is about showing and telling others about that freedom and about that love and grace.
At the end of the day I have to say I am doing what I am doing because God called and I answered. I could never have gotten to where I am on this journey without that call. I would never have signed up for this path, BUT it is pretty awesome to commune with the creator, to hear and be heard, to be called, and to respond. I want everyone to know that such a relationship is possible for them. I know it sounds crazy right? I know God, we talk, daily. He hears me when I pray. How awesome is that?
Monday, October 4, 2010
Children and the Kingdom of God
Children are our future. That is the simple truth. Like so many things in this country our care for our children is all over the place. Some children have everything they could possibly ever need or want to the point that they don't even appreciate a bit of it while others live on the street or in little more than a shack all but thrown away by society. Some have two parents that live in the same home, but statistically more or more do not, while some will never know their fathers at all. Regardless of the situation these children are the future of our country, of our world, and of the Church. How are we reaching them with the love of Christ in each of their situations?
I met some people last week that are going to great lengths to reach children with the gospel from suburbia to project housing they are doing whatever it takes and it is changing lives of those both young and old and it is changing churches and it is changing the shape of our future one child at a time.
It is so awesome to watch someone so committed to the calling God has placed on their lives. This is not something they set out to do, yet in the midst of growing in their relationship with God, and in the midst of living in obedience, this new opportunity presented itself. It wasn't an easy decision. It meant walking away from a nice stable job and stepping into the unknown. Wow how they have blessed others and they have been blessed in return!
Is there anything risky that God is calling you to?
I met some people last week that are going to great lengths to reach children with the gospel from suburbia to project housing they are doing whatever it takes and it is changing lives of those both young and old and it is changing churches and it is changing the shape of our future one child at a time.
It is so awesome to watch someone so committed to the calling God has placed on their lives. This is not something they set out to do, yet in the midst of growing in their relationship with God, and in the midst of living in obedience, this new opportunity presented itself. It wasn't an easy decision. It meant walking away from a nice stable job and stepping into the unknown. Wow how they have blessed others and they have been blessed in return!
Is there anything risky that God is calling you to?
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Conduct Unbecoming
I confess. I don't know how to "be" a pastor. Well maybe that is not all true. There are a lot of connotations that come along with the title pastor and I don't fit many of them. I have blogged before about the fact that I do not desire, ever, to possess the "pastoral mystique", you know, that untouchable, unapproachable aura. Oops I used the word aura and pastor in the same sentence. See what I mean?
I make faces from the pulpit. I wave to my kids, blow kisses and wrinkle my nose when I don't approve of their behavior, well not during the sermon, but during worship nevertheless. I can't sing worth a lick except in the car by myself. Put a microphone in front of my face while I am singing and you will be sorry! Really! My reportoire of hymns is minimal at best. I know far more contemporary worship songs. I have yet to master my preacher voice or prayer voice. I should have one right?
I don't know how to guard my reaction when someone says something hurtful to me about myself or my family (people forget you are a human being somehow).
I don't know how to not weep openly for the dullness of hearts and ears to the gospel message when I encounter people who call Christ their savior and crucify him over and over again with their actions.
I don't fit a lot of people's ideas of what/who a pastor is, at least by appearances.
What picture do you paint when you think of who/what a pastor is? I'm clumsily trying to figure it out.
I make faces from the pulpit. I wave to my kids, blow kisses and wrinkle my nose when I don't approve of their behavior, well not during the sermon, but during worship nevertheless. I can't sing worth a lick except in the car by myself. Put a microphone in front of my face while I am singing and you will be sorry! Really! My reportoire of hymns is minimal at best. I know far more contemporary worship songs. I have yet to master my preacher voice or prayer voice. I should have one right?
I don't know how to guard my reaction when someone says something hurtful to me about myself or my family (people forget you are a human being somehow).
I don't know how to not weep openly for the dullness of hearts and ears to the gospel message when I encounter people who call Christ their savior and crucify him over and over again with their actions.
I don't fit a lot of people's ideas of what/who a pastor is, at least by appearances.
What picture do you paint when you think of who/what a pastor is? I'm clumsily trying to figure it out.
Monday, September 6, 2010
One more time...
Tomorrow is the first day of my last semester of seminary. On December 10 I will graduate with my Masters of Divinity. It has been quite the journey over the last 3 years. For those of you who do not know an MDIV is not your regular master's degree. An MDIV at Asbury actually requires 96 credit hours, to my knowledge the highest requirement for any seminary in the country. Anyway...
God has amazed me with His faithfulness over the four years since He called me to this journey. Just recalling it all brings me close to tears. I remembered sensing that this was in His plan and literally sneaking to look online at seminary websites, thinking I had to be out of my mind to think Marten would ever go along with this. Bottom line is I thought God was a little crazy to think this could ever happen, work, etc. I mean didn't He know who I was? I am so not worthy, so inadequate and incapable, and sinner, well, I am one of the greatest. And then there was the fact that I was mom to two little girls. Sierra was 3 and Ariana was 7. Oh and then there was the fact that Marten had already supported my going back to school once, how could I dare to ask for that again? And then there was the fact that Marten had been a believer all of a year and a half. HA! Like he would go for being a pastor's husband! God had to be completely out of His mind to call me to this! And then there was the money. How on earth were we supposed to afford $4000+ a semester?
Well it is four years since God called, so clearly, it was absolutely undeniable, I answered against all odds, started 9 months later, and here I am. There is a whole lot more to that story. It has certainly not been happy trails and smooth sailing. We have weathered two job losses for Marten, major health problems, surgery, hospitalization, concerns with Ariana, a myriad of financial challenges, heartbreaks, disappointments, amazing mission trips to Mexico and Jordan, a wedding, two funerals, so many new kinds of normal, so much more.
God is sooooo amazing. I know He can do far more than we can ever ask or imagine. I know God is faithful. I know His plans and purposes will be fulfilled we need only open ourselves to the possibilities and be His ready instruments. I know God provides. I have seen it time and again when things seemed absolutely impossible.
I confess I am tired! I have gone straight through,no breaks, every semester, mini semester, summer, etc. Along with two part time jobs, two little girls, and a husband that has been neglected more than I care to admit. It has been exhilarating and exhausting. So many highs and lows. I have learned so much,not all in books, a lot about myself, others, but mostly about my God.
So, onward. I see a light at the end of the tunnel! Big giant thank yous to all of my prayer warriors (don't stop now), to my encouragers, and those who for some reason see something in me I do not see in myself. I could not have done it without every single one of you. Consider this your invitation to the impending birth. One of the biggest labors of love is about to be born!
God has amazed me with His faithfulness over the four years since He called me to this journey. Just recalling it all brings me close to tears. I remembered sensing that this was in His plan and literally sneaking to look online at seminary websites, thinking I had to be out of my mind to think Marten would ever go along with this. Bottom line is I thought God was a little crazy to think this could ever happen, work, etc. I mean didn't He know who I was? I am so not worthy, so inadequate and incapable, and sinner, well, I am one of the greatest. And then there was the fact that I was mom to two little girls. Sierra was 3 and Ariana was 7. Oh and then there was the fact that Marten had already supported my going back to school once, how could I dare to ask for that again? And then there was the fact that Marten had been a believer all of a year and a half. HA! Like he would go for being a pastor's husband! God had to be completely out of His mind to call me to this! And then there was the money. How on earth were we supposed to afford $4000+ a semester?
Well it is four years since God called, so clearly, it was absolutely undeniable, I answered against all odds, started 9 months later, and here I am. There is a whole lot more to that story. It has certainly not been happy trails and smooth sailing. We have weathered two job losses for Marten, major health problems, surgery, hospitalization, concerns with Ariana, a myriad of financial challenges, heartbreaks, disappointments, amazing mission trips to Mexico and Jordan, a wedding, two funerals, so many new kinds of normal, so much more.
God is sooooo amazing. I know He can do far more than we can ever ask or imagine. I know God is faithful. I know His plans and purposes will be fulfilled we need only open ourselves to the possibilities and be His ready instruments. I know God provides. I have seen it time and again when things seemed absolutely impossible.
I confess I am tired! I have gone straight through,no breaks, every semester, mini semester, summer, etc. Along with two part time jobs, two little girls, and a husband that has been neglected more than I care to admit. It has been exhilarating and exhausting. So many highs and lows. I have learned so much,not all in books, a lot about myself, others, but mostly about my God.
So, onward. I see a light at the end of the tunnel! Big giant thank yous to all of my prayer warriors (don't stop now), to my encouragers, and those who for some reason see something in me I do not see in myself. I could not have done it without every single one of you. Consider this your invitation to the impending birth. One of the biggest labors of love is about to be born!
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